Discovering Anton
by Savannah Runes
Summary: Xav has always been jealous of Zed and Yves's happiness with their soulfinders, so retreats to London to get away from it all. Here he meets Anton Blue, a powerful Savant who draws him in immediately. But Xav has many lessons to learn and must overcome obstacles that are very close to heart. Will he learn to let go and just be himself and be happy at last?
1. Jealousy Hurts

**A/N: So, hi! This is my first story on , so I would love it if you reviewed, it would make my day :) It's probably really bad and too short, but it's my first try so I'll hopefully get better. This is just an introduction to the story, the actual plot will start in the next couple of chapters.**

**Warning: Yes, this story will be slash so if you don't like, don't read.**

**Disclaimer (for the whole story): I do not own any of the characters or world, they belong to Joss Stirling (I do, however, own my OC's, so yaay, I own Anton hehe)**

**Enjoy ;)**

Discovering Anton

Jealousy is an odd thing. It only graces some people with it's presence. Some people never feel jealousy, or if they do, it's never in jealousy's worst form.

Envy.

Xavier Benedict was not one of the lucky people to be unaffected by jealousy or envy. In fact he had received a horrible dose of jealousy when his younger brother Zed broke the news.

_She's mine. My soulfinder._

Up until this moment, Xav had never really thought about his soulfinder. Well, he had, but it was more in passing, just a thought that there was someone out there who perfect for him. He had six brothers four of whom were older than him and none of them had found their soulfinders yet, so it didn't seem so bad that he had yet to find his. He was still young, and had his whole life ahead of him. His main worries were not of a phantom who he had yet to discover, but of the more immediate future, like getting his medical career started.

But when Zed, the youngest of the seven, the least likely suspect, dropped this bombshell, Xav found that his thoughts had taken a dark turn down the road of envy.

He wanted so desperately to be happy for his brother, and in a way he was. He really liked Sky, she was lovely and perfect for Zed, although broken too. She desperately needed fixing, and there was no better person for the job than Zed, but it was only after Sky had been found that Xav thought about his soulfinder properly.

_Why should Zed have found his soulfinder? He's the youngest, still just a kid. He doesn't have to face the real world knowing that there's someone out there who may need saving like Sky did. He already has her._ These were the kind of thoughts that began to plague Xav after Zed had broken the news. It took him awhile to figure out what this horrible feeling that was building up inside of him against his brother meant. But when he did, the answer was as unwelcome as it was scary.

Envy.

But Xav had been forced to grit his teeth and smile when his brother and Sky kissed in front of him, when they held hands or when they even said each other's names with a sort of passion that Xav wanted to hear his name being spoken with. It was like a desperate _need, _a desire that he hadn't experienced before. He _had_ to find his soulfinder.

And soon.

He wondered if any of his other brothers were feeling this intense sort of jealousy. He looked at them and saw a blanket of happiness for Zed, but also noticed odd details like Trace's pinched smile. Of course, Trace had a reason to be truly jealous. He was the eldest, the one who had lived the longest without a soulfinder, and now his baby brother had found his. Against Trace, Xav didn't have any right to be properly jealous, but you can't control your emotions and jealousy was a fickle beast, it seemed to affect Xav more than anyone else.

Jealousy hurt.

Matters got a whole lot worse in London. A holiday with Yves and Vick, maybe check out some of the work experiences on offer there. It sounded fun, not to mention he could get away from his family, from Zed and Sky, who seemed to be suffocating him, not realising how far he was falling. Maybe he was just expert at hiding it, but what Xav wanted more than anything else was someone, his mother perhaps, to turn around and say, "You're not okay, Xav." Because he wasn't. He was fighting a losing battle against envy and it was slowly consuming him.

On the plane, on the way to London, Xav took his first breath of seemingly fresh air for a while. He may have had Yves and Victors with him, but he could deal with two brothers who had not yet found their soulfinders, and besides, he could easily hide behind his mask of humour with them, especially Yves. He was just too fun to tease. Usually Zed and Xav would unite and make fun of Yves together, but Xav couldn't help but feel that until he had what Zed had, they could never return to that same sense of easy trust. Victor would be working most of the time, so an added bonus.

To take his mind off Zed and Sky, when he met a pretty guide at the Globe theatre, Xav flirted with her to see where it would get him. Not very far, it turned out, as there was some sort of innate _wrongness_ about flirting with her when he had a soulfinder somewhere else. And there was also something else, something he could not quite put his finger on. So when Yves called asking to meet back at the apartment an odd sense of relief drifted through. He couldn't let that show, so he jokingly told Yves off for interrupting him, but that was all a show to hide his true messed up feelings on the entire subject of romantic emotions. At the apartment, however, jealousy struck Xav again, even harder.

_Just a Savant friend. _That's what Yves had told Xav Phee was when he had initially asked who she was. He wondered briefly when Yves had gotten such pretty Savant friends when he wasn't the worlds best at talking to girls, but had examined her burnt hand all the same. She had seemed broken and hurt in a way Xav couldn't comprehend. And then Yves had ruined it by saying "Oh yes, and she's my soulfinder."

He dropped it into the conversation so casually that momentarily, Xav was stunned. His two younger brothers, his _only _two younger brothers had found their soulfinders before him. Before long his façade was up and he was joking with Phee and Yves about it, but inside he felt hollow. Numb even. Inside the jealousy was tearing him apart.

As he helped Yves with the whole situation, he really did grow to like Phee. She was vulnerable and scared and needed Yves so much, but she also had a strange sense of humour and laughed at Xav's jokes. She was definitely suited for Yves, even if it didn't seem like it at first, but his jealousy, his envy was constantly haunting him, making him cold and bitter on the inside. He managed to keep up the mask, agreeing to be best man at the wedding, smiling and joking around in the pictures, but inside his thoughts were raging and he could no longer control of them.

Now, they had all returned to the USA, he had _two_ happy soulfinder couples to contend with. It was not going well. He could feel himself slipping at a more rapid pace than ever before.

Xav was currently sitting on the navy blue couch in his family's sitting room, his laptop balanced precariously on his lap. Yves was sitting across from him, his soulfinder perched precariously on his lap. The difference did not calm Xav's emotions.

The newly-weds were radiant, their smiles glowing, their tones of voice sickly sweet. Xav was pretty sure he would punch one of them if he heard the words "honey-bear" coming from either of their mouths again.

"What are you doing?" asked Phee, leaving her perch and coming to sit next to him. It sounded as though she was just making small talk, since Xav had been silent for the past half an hour.

Xav wanted to be sick.

"Oh, nothing, just contemplating going to London on this work experience that has just popped up." said Xav light-heartedly.

"London? But we just got back." She was clearly puzzled.

Xav smiled, hiding his true feeling. He had become quite an expert at that. "Well, I like the accents."

Phee laughed loudly at this.

"So the only reason you're going back is because of the accents?" asked Yves, who had come to sit next to Xav, so now he was wedged in the middle of a soulfinder sandwich. He sounded slightly annoyed, but surely Yves shouldn't be annoyed that Xav had made his wife laugh.

"Well, that is definitely an important factor, but this job is in a really good hospital and will look really good for future reference," stated Xav.

"Oh, I see," said Phoenix, her giggling fit having subsided by a stern glare from Yves.

"Well good look with that," said Yves with a neutral tone. "Come on, Phee. We have that...thing we need to attend to."

"What thing?" asked Phee, but she was already being dragged off by Yves, leaving Xav sitting alone with just his laptop for company.

_Great, even my own brothers don't want me for company,_ he thought, before clicking 'yes' on his laptop.

"What do you mean you're going back to London?" Karla demanded.

"I mean there's a very good work opportunity there, so I'm going back to London." said Xav for about the tenth time. All of his brothers were still here, it being only a couple of days after the wedding, so they were watching the discussion with amusement. He could see Will's sniggering from behind their mother. Xav shot him daggers and he shut up, but he could see the edges of a smile lingering on his face. His mother was fretting, unable to comprehend her baby going off to London again _on his own_ this time. Xav was getting increasingly exasperated with her. It wasn't as though he had aid he as going off to _war_ or something that was actually dangerous. Besides, he was nineteen, no longer a child. He could handle himself.

"Mom, look, I really need to do something with my life right now other than sit around waiting for opportunities to crop up. One already has, and it's a fantastic one too. So I'm going to take it and see where it gets me. I promise I'll keep in touch and all..."

"Okay, okay," relented Karla. "I suppose your right."

Xav grinned. "Of course I am. Aren't I always?"

Zed butted in and answered the rhetorical question anyway. "No. In fact most of the time you are catastrophically wrong," he teased.

"Shut up," growled Xav, but it was playful. He had briefly forgotten about soulfinders and worry, as Zed's tone had been so light it was like none of it had ever happened.

Then Sky laughed at the two brothers and it all came crashing down on him again, almost painfully, but he kept on a forced smile. After all that was what he was good at.

"When do you go?" asked Saul. He had been smiling a lot more recently, ever since two of his sons had discovered their soulfinders. He had accepted them into the family seamlessly, especially Phoenix who had no father, except for that creepy Seer guy she had believed was her dad,. It had turned out that her father was some nice guy from Greece, but she had never known him. Saul had become an excellent substitute father for her, and Xav could see that he would do the same for any soulfinder of his sons, he would always step in and take the fatherly role no matter how broken they were. It was a nice thought that if he found his soulfinder, Saul would take care of them should they need it.

"Two days time, so I arrive two days before the job starts to settle in," said Xav. He had already booked the plane tickets.

"Good luck," said his mother, who enveloped him in a slightly embarrassing manner, especially as Xav was so tall and Karla so small, and yet she was the one who was commanding the hug. Xav pulled back the minute it seemed appropriate, his face beginning to go red.

"Jesus, mom, it's just London!"

"I know, I know, I'm being silly," said Karla, who seemed scarily close to tears. She snapped out of it, returning to her usual self in the blink of an eye, and spun on her heel to face the rest of her sons, who towered above her. "Right, boys, lets all help Xavier pack."

She was rewarded with a multitude of groans and a grin from Xav. Only Karla could make a bunch of fully grown men pack for someone other than themselves.

Two days later, and Xav was on a plane to England.

It felt strange, as he had been on a plane only a week or so before, but this time he was really leaving without anyone else. No more soulfinder surprises. Just Xav. As much as he felt bad for it, he couldn't help but be relieved to be away from Sky and Phoenix, as they were a constant reminder of the things he didn't have.

But now he was free. Free from the jealousy and the charades. He could be himself in a different city, a different world away from all that.

Besides, he hadn't been lying, he really did dig British accents.

When he got off the plane he got a cab to the apartment that he had only recently left. He had the keys, so went up in the lift and opened the door. He had the strange sensation of coming home, probably because he hadn't left very long ago. It seemed like America had been the holiday and now he was finally home again.

The apartment was just how they had left it, with signs of the Benedict families recent adventures involving the Community scattered everywhere, if you knew where to look. Xav contemplated tidying up, but tidying wasn't really Xav's sort of thing, so instead he dumped his suitcase in the bedroom he had been occupying (when it had just been Yves, Xav and Vick, Xav had claimed the master bedroom, and had been unwilling to give it up even to Victor, the sort-of owner of the apartment, so he had ended up sharing the queen bed with all his brothers when everyone else arrived.)

Now, however, it was completely his, in fact the entire apartment was completely his. He opened his suitcase, smiling at the memory of having his entire family packing for him whilst his mother issued orders like "Not that shirt, Trace! Xav wouldn't be caught dead in that!" and "Honestly Uriel, I would have thought you would have been able to fold a pair of pants!" His family had done a good job though, all the best parts of his wardrobe seemed to be intact as Xav unpacked his brother's hard work. He himself hadn't had much to do with the packing, mostly sitting back and smiling, with the occasional input, for example when Zed pulled out a ghastly T-shirt that he had left lying at the bottom of his closet, hoping to never wear.

"Oh my god, Xav, you have to wear this!" said Zed, his voice like an excited teenage girl.

He was bundling it into the suitcase when Xav had to literally prise it out of his hands and throw it into the trash with a shudder. "Never."

His mother was crestfallen. "Oh, Xav, that was our Christmas present for you three years ago."

She had made him feel momentarily guilty, but he had laughed it off. "Come on mom, it was hideous."

She smiled mischievously. "Oh you know I don't really mind, if you really hate it." _So that's where Xav got his mischief from_, everyone mused.

These happy memories of his family were running about in Xav's mind, and Xav allowed himself a smile. He finished unpacking, so now the apartment really felt like this was home now.

He sat down on the couch, a cream thing that had orange cushions strewn across it; not really Xav's style but he hadn't been the one to do the interior decorating and he hadn't had to pay a penny for this accommodation so he wasn't complaining.

Then Xav hesitated. _What should I do?_ At home, there was always someone to talk to, but here he really was alone. No one to randomly come in and ask _What's up? _Then Xav noticed the silence. At home there was always a noise, so he wasn't used to the all-encompassing silence that he found here. He had insisted on coming two days early to settle in, but settling in had taken him about half an hour. Now he was left with nothing to do, no one to talk to. He even found himself missing Sky and Phee, the two girls he had been desperate to get away from.

_No. I refuse to sit around and be bored. I'm in London! A whole new city, a whole new _country_ and I will make the most of this._

Xav grabbed his jacket and headed out of the door, determined to explore the _real_ London.


	2. The Real London

**A/N: So, this is chapter two. You get to meet Anton, who's my baby that's been in my head for ages, and now he's finally got his story. I hope you'll come to love him as much as I do.**

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Chapter Two

The first thing Xav noticed was the cold. It was England, so the cold was to be expected, but he had still wished he had put on a thicker jacket. He shivered and drew his jacket closer to his body as he walked down the street. He had been to London quite a few times before and had seen all of the tourist attractions. They had never appealed to Xav, a load of people gathered around something that in the end wasn't really that spectacular. Instead of going to see these cliché things, he had decided to simply wander the streets, seeking out the true vibe of London.

As it turns out, it wasn't as hard to get lost in the tangle of streets as Xav had anticipated. He quickly found himself out of the more upper-class apartments and houses and into the run-down London that was lying just beneath this charade. It reminded Xav in a morbid sort of way of himself, they both seemed so happy on the outside but they held a dark truth.

The streets were filthy, littered with garbage and cigarettes, and there were a lot of shady alleys leading off the main streets, not to mention shady people filling the street. _You should be happy, _thought Xav, _you set off to find the real London, and here it is._

But Xav couldn't help but feel disappointed that the real London was so grimy and dis-heartening. Even this great city had an inner blackness.

He walked down the dirty sidewalk, no _pavement_, remembering he was in England now, staring down at his feet, not wanting to catch anyone's eye and thinking about illusions and how nothing is ever as it seems, when something warm shot out and grabbed his wrist.

Alarmed, Xav spun around, expecting to face an attacker or something along those lines. Instead he was faced with a thin, gaunt face of a young girl.

She was no older than himself, maybe slightly younger in fact, Yves's age perhaps. She had dark hair tied back in a loose ponytail, and dark eyes to match. Her eyes were infinitely sad, they said that she had seen things that no one was expected to see. She was sitting on the side of the pavement, wrapped in a red blanket. "Please, sir," she whispered. "Any spare change?"

It shocked Xav to his core. This girl was so young, and yet here she was, on the streets. He couldn't claim to know her story, but it must be anything but happy. Xav tried to picture his family abandoning him, leaving him with nothing, forcing him onto the streets. The mental image was horrible, it was too painful to dwell on.

And yet this girl must have gone through something just as tragic to end up here. No one deserved that, she looked so sad and broken, damaged nearly irreparably.

His heartstrings were successfully tugged on, and he fished around in his pockets, hoping that he had something he could give.

The girl was in luck, Xav had managed to find a £10 note. He had panicked for a minute thinking he would have only American dollars, but he must have been wearing this jacket in London at some point, and forgot to wash it. He thanked that stroke of luck that this was the jacket he had donned before leaving, and pressed the note into the girls hand.

"Sorry it's not much," said Xav, feeling guilty. A tenner was hardly going to change that girl's life. "It's all I have."

The girls eyes lit up as she saw what he had given her. "Thank you. Thank you so much!" Her eyes were brimming with tears. He guessed she hadn't been shown a lot of charity.

He gave her a last uncertain smile whilst she beamed up at him, and walked off. If he had more money, Xav would have given it in a heartbeat. He felt so lucky to come from a nice family who would never do something like that to him. He wanted to give that girl a better shot at life, but he had done all he could. He just had to hope she would be more lucky next time.

After that experience, he looked on at London with a fresh pair of eyes. He was still disappointed with what he had discovered, for the city held immeasurable sadness. But he had developed a grudging respect for it too, for hiding it so well. After the encounter with the homeless girl, he soon found himself in another upper-class part of the city, There were no homeless sitting on the edge of this street. It was full of people with expensive designer suits and killer heels that clacked as they walked down the tarmac. The people Xav was seeing may not even know that they lived right next to the neighbourhood he had just walked through. He admired London's expert skills of deception, and wondered how well he was copying it. Were his family as clueless as these people?

He was knocked out of his thoughts, quite literally.

Something, or someone, had kind of...fallen into Xav's arms. "Oh my gosh, I'm so sorry." The voice was deep, unmistakably male. It sent an odd shiver down Xav's spine.

"Um..." was all that Xav was able to say, any intelligent words were caught in the back of his throat.

The man straightened up, almost to Xav's disappointment. He turned to face Xav, and Xav's breath hitched. He was the most beautiful guy ever, pale skin framed by impossibly dark hair and dark eyes to match, but a warm sort of dark, the kind of eyes that Xav got so easily lost in. He was tall, about the same height as Xav, maybe slightly taller, and slender, wearing a long, dark coat and black jeans. The darks colours really suited him, they contrasted well with his alabaster skin, giving him an almost dream-like quality. He looked like he could have stepped out of either Heaven or Hell. Xav had never really consciously surveyed a guy on his looks, but he now found himself staring a little dumbstruck at him.

"I didn't mean to..." He gestured to Xav's arms, where he had been a couple of seconds ago. "I'm sorry, I'm just really clumsy." He smiled a little sheepishly, sending Xav melting.

Xav was sure his cheeks were on fire, but managed to say "It-it's okay," and smile slightly at him.

The man smiled back, making his face even more perfect than before, if that was possible. "I probably would have _died_ or something if you hadn't been there." He had a strange sort of accent, not entirely British, there was a tinge of something else. It made him unique, a little quirk that Xav thought _definitely_ topped normal English accents.

"You just tripped," Xav reminded him. "I think that's slightly over exaggerating it."

The guy didn't drop his smile, but Xav was just glad that he had been able to form a sentence that actually made sense. "Well, this is the guy who broke his arm tripping over his own two feet, so I wouldn't be so sure," he replied, a little mischief sneaking into his gorgeous voice. "My saviour, you are," he added with a wink that Xav was so shocked at he was sure he was simply imagining it.

Xav could feel his cheeks getting even hotter. No one he had ever met had turned him into such a mess so quickly; Xav wasn't sure why this guy had such a strong effect on him. He didn't even know his _name_. "I wouldn't go that far," he muttered, but the guy's smile merely broadened.

"Nonsense," he said. "Would my saviour be so kind to divulge his name for me?"

"Xavier Benedict, but everyone calls me Xav. I would be interested to know exactly who I saved, too," he said, playing along and beginning to relax a little.

He laughed at that, a beautiful sound that Xav could listen to forever. It was unique, exactly like his accent. "I'm Anton. Anton Blue."

_Anton._ The name really suited him, it was unusual and different, and Xav couldn't imagine him being called anything else. When he voiced this to him, saying "Your name really suits you," he elicited another amazing laugh from him.

"Thanks. It's actually quite a long story of how my name came around. Xavier is an unusual name too."

"Yeah, that's a long story too. It involves six brothers and the alphabet." Xav was glad that some of his usual charm had come back; he was a natural joker and yet Anton had been the one to start the whole 'saviour' thing.

Anton's smile never wavered. "Sounds very interesting. I would love to hear the whole story sometime, but I really have to go. I promised my brother that I would meet his latest girlfriend, who he claims to be different, but it probably won't last long."

After the almost disappointment before, Xav was now very disappointed. He just wanted to stay and talk to Anton forever. It was a weird urge that he had never felt before, not with any of his friends or girlfriends. And yet here it was, with some guy he had only just met. "Oh, okay," he said, trying hard to keep the disappointment out of his voice. "Have fun."

"I'll try," said Anton, a little sadly. Or was Xav just imagining that? "Maybe I'll see you around, my saviour."

He walked past Xav, rendering him speechless. Then, as an added thought, he turned and waved, his elegant fingers waggling in Xav's direction. All too soon, he was out of sight, and it wasn't until that happened that Xav snapped back to his senses.

_What the hell was that all about?_

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He walked briskly back to his apartment after his encounter with Anton, the angel whom he could not shake from his mind. He got a bit lost; he hadn't really been paying attention to where he was going before and was now beginning to regret it. In the end he had to stop and ask some woman for directions back to the Barbican. She seemed a little annoyed, but probably wrote him off as some clueless American and gave him clear directions on how to get back, avoiding the estate he had walked through with the homeless girl.

He was soon walking through the front door again, this time the sun was beginning to set outside. The view was truly spectacular from the twentieth floor, especially at dusk, so Xav pulled up a chair and watched the sun go down over the city from the large window in the front room. He watched as certain parts of London got illuminated by the descending rays, how some of the windows glittered and some parts were left in darkness, and thought about the beauty of the city and how even now it was hiding things. There would always be secrets etched into this city's heart, and Xav had only touched on them.

Again, he found his mind wandering back to Anton. He was somewhere in this city, with his brother and his girlfriend. Xav wondered if he was thinking about him the way he was thinking about Anton. _Probably not,_ he concluded. He had no idea why Anton had had such an effect on him, and was trying to work out what it meant.

He eventually came back to the inevitable; he had _definitely_ been attracted to Anton. The way he had drank his looks in, dreamt about his voice, got embarrassed so easily, they all added up. But did that mean anything more? He had never been attracted to a male before, not like this, and his attraction to girls had never felt so strong...or important. Was the reason he had reacted like he had done because he was actually being attracted to the right gender?

Xav put his head in his hands, forgetting about the vision of London he had previously been observing. It was all so confusing. His family, well mainly his dad, had always drilled the same thing into his head. Savants _couldn't _be gay. It was impossible. Every Savant had someone out there who was utterly perfect for them, and that person was always of the opposite sex. He could hear his dad's voice in his head, saying this with absolute certainty. But Xav wasn't certain, not any more. He felt a twinge of guilt for his soulfinder, who was out there, somewhere, waiting, whilst Xav was having a sexuality crisis. What would he do if he decided he was indeed gay, but then his soulfinder turned up and was a girl?

_You know what, _thought Xav, _screw that. It was just one guy I was attracted to. It doesn't mean anything._ He repeated this in his head a few times, even muttered it under his breath like a mantra, like saying it enough times would make him believe it. The truth was, Xav was unsure. And uncertainty was not a good thing. He thought again of his family, of how they might react if they knew his thoughts. He studiously ignored imagining a situation with Saul. His reaction was something Xav hoped to never witness.

Thinking of his family, back home in Wrickenridge, led Xav to suddenly remember something he had promised his mom before he had left. He straightened up and muttered, "Shit," before dashing off to retrieve his laptop. He had said that he would Skype his family to let them know he had got here okay. It was half six in London, and Colorado was seven hours behind, so it was half eleven in the morning there.

Xav logged on and clicked the call button, waiting for Karla to pick up. "Hey, honey. How's London?" came Karla's familiar voice from the laptop. She was sitting at the kitchen table, Saul at her side. Xav remembered his thoughts from a few minutes ago, looked at Saul's smiling face, and wondered about throwing himself out of the window. He felt like just having those thoughts was somehow betraying his own father.

"Fine, good, yeah," was his very articulate response to Karla's question.

Karla frowned a little. Xav was usually more responsive than that. "What did you do?" she asked in order to keep the conversation going.

_Oh nothing, just met a homeless girl who I felt sorry for and then met an alluring guy called Anton who made me question my sexuality. Just a regular day. _He didn't say this out loud, but rather, "I went for a walk to get to know London better."

"And did you? Get to know London better?" Xav thought of the face of the girl, sitting on the pavement, at her joy when he gave her the money, at the sunset he had just witnessed.

"Yeah. I think I did."

"Hey, look, it's Xav!" shouted a female voice from behind his parents. Sky. When his thoughts had taken an unexpected turn earlier, Xav had almost forgotten the raging jealousy he had been harbouring before. Now it was back, and along with the confusion surrounding Anton, he felt like he could just curl up and cry. Not only had his two younger brothers found their happiness, but Xav was unsure whether he would be happy even if he _did_ find his soulfinder now. He felt like he had been punched in the stomach, and the face, and everywhere else, hurt and tired all over.

Karla turned the computer, so Xav was now facing an ensemble of faces. Sky had settled down next to Zed, his arm casually strewn across her back. The only people who were missing were Trace and Victor, who had left earlier that morning.

"Enjoying the English accents?" asked Phee, smiling, oblivious to Xav's dark mood.

_I think I've found a new favourite accent,_ he thought but didn't say. "Oh yes. I even starting using all that British lingo, calling the sidewalk a pavement."

Sky clapped her hands. "Well done, Xav. Now you just have to start drinking tea and eating Marmite, and you'll be a true Brit."

Xav played along, even though it was the soulfinders. At least it was distracting his thoughts from a certain Mr Blue. He pulled a face and said "Urgh, I hate tea, and don't even want to go _near_ that Marmite substance."

Both Sky and Phee laughed, and Xav felt happy that he was back to joking around. He felt as though he had lost that part of himself, being around Anton and having no teases spring immediately to mind.

"Glad to see you've got there safely and settled in, brother," said Uriel, always the most caring of the bunch. If he had to pick, Uri would be the one Xav may consider telling his troubles to. But that was only if he had to. He would prefer to try and face them alone, for some reason.

He made small talk with his brothers for a while, but the conversation quickly fizzled out. Xav was tired; he had been having too many heavy thoughts recently. They may have just been in his mind, but they were taking a physical toll on him too. Plus he was jet-lagged; it felt like morning, but he hadn't managed to sleep on the plane so it was as though he had pulled an all-nighter.

"I'm really tired, I might just watch some TV and go to sleep." Xav made his excuses, promising to call again when he had started the job, which he had all but forgotten in today's drama. He subconsciously avoided making eye-contact with Saul, and gladly switched the computer off.

Xav sat on the sofa, leaning back and staring up at the ceiling. Quite a lot had happened today that he was unsure about, and he needed time to think, but thinking seemed to be his greatest weakness, so he forced his mind to go blank, devoid of thoughts of soulfinders and Anton and envy. He switched the television on to help, the background noise was mind-numbing; it washed over him without really going into his head. For a while he was comfortably numb, but he found his eyelids starting to drooping. God, he was tired, both physically and mentally.

He managed to drag himself off the couch and into the bedroom, getting ready for bed in a daze. Crawling under the covers, Xav briefly wondered what sort of dreams he would be plagued with tonight. Would they be good, filled with anything but the worries he had been facing, or would they simply continue to elaborate on the thoughts he had been having. Slowly, he drifted into sleep, his dreams waiting for him on the other side.

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**A/N: So hope you enjoyed, please leave a review.**

**The neighbourhoods that Xav walks through are not real, besides the Barbican, they are there for my creative purposes only ;)**

**Let me know what you think!**


	3. A Maybe-Date

Chapter Three

Anton walked down the street, past Xav, who for some reason he could not shake from his mind. He had been so embarrassed to have fell on him like that, but in a way he was glad he did because otherwise they might have never talked. When he'd straightened up and turned to face the guy he had fallen on, Anton's breath was taken away.

He was tall, nearly matching his own height, which was a rare feat, though not as skinny as Anton, more muscled though still lean. His skin was naturally tanned, almost golden. His hair was a much lighter brown than his own, long and styled just right, and he had chocolatey brown eyes. He looked like a Hollister model, but with more class. When he had opened his mouth and that American accent had come out, literally the first thought that Anton had was, _That's it, I'm dead._

Anton had noticed that Xav had looked at him too, really looked at him, taking all his features in the way Anton was doing to him back. He was quite proud of himself for thinking of a couple of clever things to say, otherwise they would have probably just stared at each other for a long time, not knowing what to do. When Xav's cheeks went red, making him even cuter than before, Anton had gained a little more confidence in knowing that Xav was embarrassed too.

But their conversation had been cut short because of Anton's prior arrangements. _Stupid Finnick with his stupid girlfriend,_ he thought as he was forced to rush off to meet his brother, something he had been too nice to say 'no' to. No one had ever attracted Anton as immediately as Xav had, it had been instant, and stronger than anything else he had ever experienced.

As he sat though his evening with Finnick's girlfriend, some love-struck girl named Theresa, Anton could not rid his mind of Xavier Benedict. He seemed to be stuck there permanently now, forever haunting Anton with his wicked good looks.

Anton seriously regretted not giving Xav his number or something, because one thought kept coming back, and it wasn't a particularly nice one.

Would he ever even see Xav again?

* * *

Xav's dreams had been surprisingly pleasant, in a guilty sort of way. He had dreamt of Anton, without the any of the worry that he had felt the night before. And without that worry, it had felt damn good.

He woke up with a groan, hiding underneath the covers, wanting to go back to sleep. He stayed in bed for a while, before dragging himself out and getting ready. He sat around for a bit, wondering what to do. It was the last day before his job started, so he felt like he should do _something_ but couldn't think of what. He needed to go out, though, because sitting here would lead to too much thinking, and Xav needed some sort of distraction. _Maybe I'll just take another walk and see of there's any nice coffee shops or something._

And so Xav found himself heading out of the door again, his feet taking him in a certain direction. All too soon, he found himself in the same neighbourhood which he had seen Anton in yesterday. But there was no point in coming back here, he mused sadly. It was extremely unlikely that he would see him again.

Coming back made him feel a little sad, but also brought the memories of yesterday back with an extra sense of sharpness, as if they had been somewhat murky before. He wandered down the main road, which was fairly busy as it was about noon now; Xav had overslept more than he had thought. He really wasn't a morning person.

He was checking out people's faces, hoping in vain to find Anton again. _Quit it, _the reasonable part of his brain scolded the rest of him, but it didn't stop him doing it. He had almost reached the end of the road, feeling utterly stupid and sad, when, against all odds, that voice called out to him, "Hey, look! It's my saviour."

It sent Xav's heart into a little flutter. Well, a big flutter, beating faster than ever. He turned around slowly, almost thinking that it was a trick because his brain wanted it to be real so much. But it wasn't. There, in front of him, was Anton Blue.

He looked as amazing as Xav remembered, still in black and white, a smile painted on his face. He was standing next to a girl, and Xav felt a twinge of jealousy, before realising that a) he had absolutely no right to be jealous and b) the girl was much younger than Anton, maybe thirteen or fourteen, and so similar in looks that she had to be related to him somehow. She had the same dark hair, but her eyes were darker and bigger than Anton's.

He was still in shock that Anton was actually here. It was so unlikely and yet they were both now staring at each other in slight wonder, neither quite believing their luck. "Hi Anton," said Xav, trying desperately to sound casual, but failing.

The girl Anton was standing next to regarded him curiously. "Who's this, Anton?" she asked.

"This is Xav Benedict. Xav, this is my sister, Arya." So she was related to him. Xav couldn't control the sense of relief he was feeling. He didn't really seem to be in control of any of his emotions at the moment.

"Hiya, Xav. I'm guessing that's short for Xavier?" She had the same accent as Anton, which was to be expected if they were siblings, but Xav was kind of sad that Anton wasn't the only person that had it.

"Yes, got it in one." He smiled and held out his hand, which Arya took with a slight laugh. "So, Arya? That's a pretty unusual name," he said, to make small talk. He really just wanted to talk to Anton, but was being polite.

"It's all part of that story I was going to tell you," said Anton, his eyes shimmering in the stark sunlight.

Arya turned to her brother. "Well, I'll leave you guys to it. I know you promised mum that you would walk me to Katie's, but it's not that far."

Anton looked slightly reluctant to see his sister go, his overprotective big brother instincts setting in, but didn't stop her. Arya gave him a knowing smile as she walked by, and Xav noticed Anton's blush. It wasn't helping his own.

"Um... So I don't have to rush off this time, maybe we can have a proper conversation." Anton seemed nearly as embarrassed as Xav. It was quite reassuring that he wasn't alone.

"That would be nice. Although, the street isn't the most usual place for a proper conversation. Unless you just want to be different," said Xav.

Anton laughed, he seemed like the kind of guy who laughed a lot. "No, you're right. There's a really nice café just down the road, if you're not doing anything else," Anton said, adding the last part hastily.

"No, I would literally just be sitting at home with my thoughts. Lead the way."

Anton beckoned for him to follow, but Xav's legs were already moving. He would follow this guy anywhere. _Wait, _thought Xav. _Is this a date? Oh my god, what if it is? Am I having a date with a guy? With Anton? _His thoughts took over him. He wasn't sure whether he was ready for a date yet, but how could he say no to Anton. Maybe Anton just wanted to become friends. But somehow Xav doubted that. The way he had been looking at him didn't indicate so. Xav had been looking at Anton the same way, so that was probably what had led him to do this, but Xav was seriously panicking.

Anton turned back and was greeted with Xav's frown. "Are you okay? It's just here," he said, gesturing to a quaint little café called _Violet Leaf. _Xav put on a smile, and it was genuine, unlike the many times he had smiled falsely with his family.

"No, I'm fine," he said, shoving all thoughts of dates from his head. Whether this was one or not, Xav resolved that he would have fun, and not think too hard about any of his worries. Anton beamed back, and they went in.

Inside, it was small, dark walls with little round tables dotted around the place. There was a couple of steps at the back which led to an outdoor porch where there were more seats, but in England they were more like wishful thinking rather than regularly used. A petite waitress with an eyebrow piercing came up to us. "Brought a friend along, have you Anton?" she asked, giving me the once over.

"Yes, Annabel. Could you give me my regular table?" he asked, as though addressing a friend.

"Sure," said Annabel, gesturing to a table near one of the windows at the front, but in the corner, so you could look out of the window but no one outside could see you. An ideal place for observations.

Anton settled into what Xav assumed was his regular seat, and Xav sat opposite him, in proper date fashion. Annabel came to take their orders for drinks, Anton had some tea thing, and Xav ordered a latte. "So, you come here often?" It was a question, but Xav already knew the answer. He was simply wondering why.

"Yeah. I found it a couple of years back, and now I come to just observe, relax, and draw when I can't concentrate at home, when Finnick's being a jerk, or Arya and Calypso are fighting, or when Nico's having one of his moods."

"Wow, I'm guessing they're your brothers and sisters," said Xav, now genuinely interested in where the names came from. "Are you going to tell me the story of the names?"

"Yeah, I promised I would, didn't I?" Anton's smile never wavered, it was always stuck on his face in some shape or form. "My mum's an author of Young Adult and children's books, and loves the genre, so plucked our names from some of her favourite books."

That was so much more interesting than Xav's stupid story of 'we're an alphabetical family'. _Damn._ "Where does Anton come from, then?"

"Anton Shudder from Skulduggery Pleasant by Derek Landy. He's a minor character, really, but my mum and dad said they loved the name. My middle name is Alec, from Alec Lightwood in The Mortal Instruments by Cassandra Clare."

Xav was slightly lost with all the book references, and it must have shown on his face. "I'm guessing you've never read them," said Anton.

"Er, no. Never heard of them to be honest," admitted Xav.

"It's okay. What do you like to read then?" he asked. His face was open and curious, his eyes imploring. Xav noticed something about them; they were very dark, but oddly enough had little flecks of green in them. They were only noticeable if you were looking really hard, which Xav was. He wondered if Anton even knew.

"I don't really read that much, to be fair. Sometimes I'll just pick up a book one of my brothers, but I wouldn't say I have a favourite or anything," said Xav, wishing that he had read now, as it would give them something to talk about.

"Why are you called Xavier? You said it had something to do with the alphabet." Anton was genuinely curious; it was nice to have someone who was honestly interested in his life.

"Yeah, it seemed like a cool story at the time, but it can't really compete with yours," he admitted.

"Go on," said Anton. "Now I want to hear it."

"Well, I have six brothers, and my parents decided that they would call us things that began with the letters T through to Z. I'm X, the fifth son, so naturally, I'm Xavier."

"Nonsense, that's pretty awesome!" He sounded so enthusiastic that Xav had to laugh. "Six, brothers. And I thought my family was big."

"Yeah, it gets annoying sometimes, but I love them all really. And its ever growing. My younger brother Yves just got married, and Zed's girlfriend, Sky, is basically family now." Xav missed out the fact of soulfinders, as Anton would be very confused, and they weren't meant to tell people about Savants without good reason. Plus he was trying not to think about soulfinders; his was somewhere out there, and here he was, having a maybe-date with who he considered the most good-looking guy he had ever met.

"Wait, your _younger _brother got married?" Anton sounded incredulous. "How old does that make you?"

Xav laughed again; laughing was so much easier with Anton than anyone else he had ever met. "Only nineteen. There were...circumstances that made Phee and Yves decide to tie the knot, despite being only eighteen."

"Oh, right. Well, I'm nineteen too, although I'm the eldest in my family, so no additional members yet." He looked stunning sitting there, half shadowed by the dark décor of the café, that Xav couldn't really comprehend the dazed looks he was giving Xav, clearly as affected as himself.

"I thought you said your brother had a girlfriend," asked Xav, mildly confused.

"Yeah, but she was just the current one in a long line of girlfriends. Each time he tells us she's different, introduces us to her, then we never see her again. Finnick's a little heart-breaker."

"Well, I'm hoping you're not," said Xav. He didn't know what made him say it, it was way more flirtatious than he had been expecting, but the words were out of his mouth before he could stop them. He was blushing furiously, hoping the dim lighting would hide it, but Anton just smiled, that smile that sent Xav melting every time it was on his face.

Their eyes locked, and for a moment they just stared, and Xav was lost, Anton's dark eyes captivating him, the green in them showing. Then the moment was ruined by Annabel returning with their drinks.

She set them down without a word, knowing that she'd interrupted something. "Sorry," she mumbled as left.

Xav stared at his drink, suddenly unsure about the what he had and the moment they had just shared, and yet he didn't regret it.

He forgot his family, his soulfinder, his confusion, his jealousy and looked up to smile at his maybe-date, and for the first time in a while, Xav felt really happy.

* * *

**A/N: Yay, chapter three. Its a little shorter than the others, but I'm going to finish the 'date' in the next chapter, and didn't want to make it too long.**

**I know that the names I've picked for Anton and his siblings aren't really plausible, as Anton is nineteen and the books were only published a couple of years ago, but they're from the books I love to read, so oh well. If you know what books they are from then wahoo, we have the same book taste :D**

**Thank you so much for your lovely reviews and follows, they make me really happy, so please leave a review :)**


	4. The First Touch

**A/N: Oh my god, it has been so long since my last update, I'm so sorry! I was in London for 10 days, unfortunately not to just explore like Xav :(, and when I got back its been really busy, so its a little shorter than the rest but I hope you still enjoy it.**

**Thanks to my sister for helping me come up with ideas ;) 3**

**Please review, I'll love you forever :)**

* * *

Chapter Four

What struck Xav as different was the sense of _ease_ he felt with Anton. No one else had ever been so easy to talk to, to laugh with, to smile at. There was a feeling as though he had known Anton forever, despite only having met him yesterday.

After Annabel had cleared off, Xav and Anton were once again left alone, and the easy manner they had been talking with before quickly returned.

"You said you came here to draw. Do you like art?" asked Xav.

From the way Anton smiled, Xav could already discern the answer. "Yeah, I love art. I draw a lot, mainly manga style stuff, I'm nearly finished writing my own manga."

Xav himself wasn't very arty, but he wanted to see Anton's art, he was sure they were very good. Anton's fingers were long and slender, ideal artist's hands. "I would love to see your art," Xav voiced, and Anton beamed at him.

"Maybe I could draw you sometime." It may have sounded a little weird, but somehow Xav knew that Anton was paying him a massive compliment; he wouldn't want to draw him if he didn't find him a bit aesthetically pleasing.

Xav blushed again. "That would be nice," he said, a little stupidly, but he wanted to keep the conversation flowing at just the right speed.

Anton asked him about what he liked to do, so he told him about skiing. "I don't want to brag, but I could compete in the Winter Olympics and not do too badly," he stated, without sounding boastful at all.

"Why don't you then?"

Xav didn't know exactly what to say. His answer was that Savants couldn't be famous, as if anyone found out there would be a hell of a lot of uncomfortable questions, but couldn't say that to Anton. "Um... I don't want to be famous."

It was kind of true, and Anton accepted it without asking any awkward questions, so Xav just smiled and went with it. "So you like art and reading, let me guess, music too?" said Xav, and was amused by Anton's reaction.

"You have me all figured out!" exclaimed Anton, laughing again. "Yes, I play the piano, and sing a little."

Xav smirked. "I knew it," he teased. "I used to play guitar a little in high school, but it wasn't serious."

"So if I got you a guitar, would you be able to play for me?" asked Anton.

"Er, probably?"

They laughed at Xav's nervous tone a shared laugh, Anton's unique laugh mixing with Xav's. It reminded Xav of a question that he had been meaning to ask. "Where does your accent come from?"

Anton smiled knowingly and said "My mum's British but my dad is Australian, and apparently when you put them together you get this." It made sense, as it was sort of an English accent with a twinge of something else, but it was still an accent Xav had never heard before, something he would always associate with just Anton.

"You're American, I'm guessing," said Anton, which Xav responded to with a nod. "What are you doing in London?"

"There's a work experience opportunity at the hospital here, so I decided to take it despite being in London only a few weeks ago with my family," explained Xav.

"You want to be a doctor, then?" Anton inquired.

"Yep. Always have done."

A sort of silence settled over them, not an awkward one, more like a companionable one, both of them looking at the other, stealing glances. Xav reached out to get his drink, which was next to Anton, and in a really cliché but important moment, their hands touched. Anton's knuckles lightly brushed over Xav's fingers and the result was amazing. A sort of electric spark seemed to run from Xav's fingers up his arm, unlike anything he had ever felt before. It sent slight shivers working up and down his body; he looked up to see Anton with the same sort of expression on his face: wonder tinged with embarrassment.

Xav could not hep but feel that they both lingered, for a touch that was meant to be an accident it sure went on for a long time. Maybe neither of them were ready to give up this new sensation that they were experiencing, but either way, Xav was disappointed when they moved their hands back and the magnetic feeling vanished.

After the accidental touch, their first touch, Xav and Anton both just carried on, trying to forget that lingering feeling. They chatted about random things, making jokes and becoming more comfortable with each other. Xav learnt that Anton also swam a lot, spoke fluent Japanese (which impressed Xav and amused Anton, who said that he only learnt it because he sucked at the languages he learnt at school but really wanted to be bilingual so decided that because he already like Japanese culture he would learn it. It had turned out he was quite good) and wrote songs in his spare time. Xav talked about his family, school, any topic that Anton was curious about, with the exception of Savants. Something about Anton made Xav just want to tell him the truth about that, the truth about anything, but he managed to keep that secret.

They drained their drinks, but just kept talking, even when Annabel came and cleared away their glasses. Xav kept looking at Anton at random points in their conversation and thinking to himself; _He is so beautiful. _Because he was; he was just so perfect and Xav had no idea why he was feeling such an intense attraction.

The fact that he didn't know whether this was a date or not was bugging Xav more than he had expected; he had thought that he wouldn't think of it much and just try to get to know Anton as friends. But whenever he looked up and Anton's features made him catch his breath, and when he thought about the odd but mind-blowing feeling he had experienced when they had merely touched, he found himself thinking about it more and more.

Eventually Xav plucked up the courage to ask. "Is this a date?" he blurted, his cheeks flaming, although that wasn't a rare event with Anton.

Anton smiled, and said "I don't know. I guess that's up to you."

It was exactly the words Xav needed to hear, but they still made him tingle slightly. He was being so nice, allowing Xav to decide whether or not he was ready for a date yet as he was clearly confused.

"I'm not sure yet," admitted Xav, "But whatever this is, I'm really enjoying it. Maybe in the future we can go on official dates," he added, because it was true. "I'm sorry."

"What are you apologizing for? Its perfectly fine. And your right; we should _definitely _do this again," assured Anton.

They continued to talk for a while, but they had literally been in that café for ages. Xav could feel Annabel's eyes on his back, watching him and Anton with the mixed feeling feelings of happiness for a friend and the view of an employee, especially as they had been sitting there for so long and had only ordered one thing each.

Luckily whilst Xav was thinking this, Anton seemed to have noticed it too. "They don't mind if we stay, but maybe we should..."

Xav was just relieved he didn't have to say anything. "Maybe we should leave." He was surprised at how sad he sounded.

They each paid for their own drinks, and whilst Annabel was getting their change, Xav remembered something. "Hey, let me give you my number," he said.

Anton grinned. "Sure," he said, and made to get his phone out of his phone, but Xav grabbed his hand instead and scrawled the number on the back of his hand. He didn't know what made him do it, maybe it was just that he needed to touch Anton again, to experience that electric feeling once again. As soon as contact was made, Xav's stomach lurched, and there it was.

When he withdrew, Anton was grinning at him even wider. "What?" asked Xav.

Anton laughed. "No one's ever written their number on my hand before. It's cute," smiled Anton.

Xav blushed a little, but didn't say anything, just smiled up at him, that lingering sensation hanging between them. Once again, the moment was interrupted by Annabel, and they hastily picked up their change and headed out of the doors.

Outside it was cool compared to the heat of the small café, and Xav shivered slightly, an action that didn't go unnoticed by Anton.

"Er..." said Xav. He wasn't sure what he was meant to say or do. He never wanted to leave Anton, but he knew that that was irrational.

Anton seemed to be pondering something, and then did something that shocked Xav to the core.

He leant in and kissed Xav on the cheek, lasting for longer than than either of them expected. "Good bye, Xav," he whispered, his breath warm on Xav's cheek. The kiss made Xav's heart stutter erratically, his breath quicken. That feeling he had felt before was back, this time a million times magnified.

"Bye Anton," he whispered back. Then they both turned around and walked in opposite directions, although Xav did look back and saw Anton staring after him. They shared one last special smile, and then parted ways.

* * *

When Xav got into his apartment, he let out a breath he didn't know he had been holding. _Oh god,_ he thought. That had been amazing. That had been more perfect than Xav could have ever imagined; there were butterflies flitting about inside his stomach and his heart was fluttering off-beat. No one had ever made him feel like that, no girl or boy.

Why couldn't his life be straight forward? He had never been more happy, but neither had he been so confused. He was in a maybe-relationship with the most perfect guy he had ever met, but what about his family and their opinions? His soulfinder, somewhere out there? He felt so guilty, but the guilt hadn't hit him until he had walked through the doors of his apartment and truly left Anton behind. When he had been with him the only thoughts he had had about what was plaguing him was in passing, he had actually managed to stand back and _enjoy _himself. The fact that he could forget so easily with Anton was a fact that scared him slightly.

Everything about Anton was amazing, indescribable. That electric feeling, it hadn't really gone away. It was still there, lingering on his skin, ever present to tease Xav into thinking: _Who is Anton Blue to me?_

Could it just be the fact that he really was gay and that this was normal? But it didn't feel normal, it felt anything but. He didn't know what to think, what to do.

He sighed before his phone beeped. He pulled it out of his pocket and opened the text. It read:

**Hey Xav, it's Anton. I know we just saw each other, but it was really nice and I love talking to you and yeah... So I was wondering if you wanted to meet up again soon? Hows this Friday? P.S your number still hasn't rubbed off my hand. I had a few questions from Arya about it ;) x**

The text made Xav smile, made him forget his confusion again, just as it had been when he had been with him, as though he was still here.

He replied quickly.

**Friday sounds good, how about you come to mine and I'll cook something? I'm sorry about that hehe x**

Anton replied almost instantly.

**You can cook? I'm impressed. Yeah sounds great, can't wait x**

It had turned into a conversation very quickly and Xav smiled wider with each text.

**I can cook alright, better than my brother Zed by a mile anyhow x**

** I look forward to it. Now I have to go, someone's screaming at someone else and I'll probably have to go sort it out. See ya Friday x**

The conversation had ended too quickly. Xav's thoughts quickly drifted away from the excitement of Friday evening to more heavy matters. What would anyone else think of continuing this, this, whatever this was?

_Stop being so concerned about other peoples opinions and start thinking about your own, _whispered a little voice in his head. He wished it was that easy, but it wasn't. All he could hear was his father saying _It's impossible, unnatural. Your soulfinder is always of the opposite gender. _It had been drilled into his head for so long, it felt strange to be questioning it. But questioning it he was, and it was sort of leading to a headache. He wanted it to be simple, to be able to go out with Anton and not feel bad. For the first time in Xav's life, he wished he wasn't a Savant, that he was just a normal guy who could like whom he pleased.

He slumped down on the ground, head in his hands. His confusion was back, and it was ever aggressive.

As he sat there, he noticed that his cheek still held the lingering feeling of Anton's kiss. He thought back it, how it sent pleasure spreading to every part of his body, and wondered how Anton could possibly have that effect on him.

_Who was Anton Blue to me?_


	5. You're Just Like Me

**A/N: Hi! Sorry for the long updates between the chapters, I was on holiday for four days, but in truth I'm just a slow writer, so my updates are going to pretty irregular, sorry! I'm actually pretty happy with how this chapter turned out; it's an important one so hope you enjoy.**

**Let me know what you think, pretty please :)**

* * *

Chapter Five

It was Friday. It was finally Friday. Xav had been nervous and excited about it all week, and it had been the only thing to keep his mind of his family, even when he had called them on Wednesday night. That and the texts he had been receiving from Anton a lot, just simple chatter that made Xav's heart warm every single time he opened one.

His job had been really good, everything he had been expecting. It truly was a great experience and Xav was so glad that he had come, maybe in more than one way. When he had spoken to his parents he had mainly talked about the job, so he managed to become devoid of emotions, of jealousy or guilt when he saw them. He had managed to stop thinking about it so much, just concentrating on the good things in his life at the moment.

And now it was finally Friday.

Anton had agreed to come round at seven and a while before he came, Xav began to cook. Since he wasn't particularly amazing at it, he stuck with something simple: pasta with a creamy sauce. Anton had already told him he was vegetarian, so he avoided meat.

Just as he was finishing off, the doorbell rang. Butterflies swarmed in the pit of his stomach, but it was more of an excited nervousness. He opened the door to see Anton standing there, a smile already painted on his face. He looked gorgeous, standing there on the threshold of Xav's apartment, just the sight of him sent his heart beating faster.

"Hi," said Anton in his rich accent.

Xav couldn't help but smile. "Hi. Do come in."

"Nice place," stated Anton as he walked inside. "Is it yours?"

"No, technically it's my brother Victor's, but I'm just borrowing it whilst I'm here."

"Lets see if I can remember your brothers' names. Trace... Can't remember U for the life of me, Victor, Will? Xav, Yves, Zed."

Xav laughed. "Uriel. And yes W is Will. Well done," He smiled at Anton, who smiled back. _Does he ever get tired of smiling?_

"Okay, my turn. Anton, how could I ever forget that. Finnick, Calypso, Rico, Arya."

"Nico. It's Nico, not Rico,"

"Oops," said Xav in between laughing.

From the kitchen, something beeped loudly, disrupting their conversation. Xav went in to the kitchen, Anton following behind. "What have you made, then?" he asked.

"Pasta. I hope you like it."

"I'm sure I will."

After Xav had gotten everything ready, they both sat down to eat. "You were right, you are a pretty good cook," said Anton after taking one bite.

"What about you? Can you cook?"

"Does making Pot Noodles count? Because if so, I am an amazing cook," Anton proclaimed, making Xav laugh. Again.

"Of course you are."

Whilst they were eating, Xav observed Anton even more. His dark hair fell in front of his face when he leaned forward to eat; he kept tucking it behind his ear. Another quirk that Xav noticed was that Anton's fingers were always moving up and down, probably in the pattern of some song on the piano. It seemed like a gesture Anton was doing subconsciously, an automatic thing he did all the time. Anton seemed to be looking at Xav too, and they were both smiling like idiots, but neither of them cared any more.

Their dinner went really well, even when there was a lapse in the conversation, the silence wasn't awkward, spent stealing glances at each other. Anton made Xav laugh and smile more than anyone else he had ever met, it was unsettling but exciting at the same time.

When they had both finished eating, Xav began to clear away the dishes. "Here, I'll help you," said Anton and began taking dishes in to the kitchen. Xav smiled after at him, marvelling at his impeccable manners.

He was about to walk into the kitchen himself, when he heard a cry of pain.

He ran into the kitchen, suddenly panicked. _Oh my god, what happened? _In the kitchen, Anton stood with a pained expression on his face, a very stark contrast to his usual smile. He was cradling his right hand up to his chest and wincing.

"Anton, are you okay?" whispered Xav, concerned.

"No, I-" He winced and shook his head. "I managed to cut myself. Told you I was clumsy."

Xav's heart dropped. He couldn't stand to see Anton in pain. "Here, let me have a look,"

He dropped the dished he was holding and walked up to Anton, who held out his hand. He was bleeding from a cut on the palm of his hand. Xav took his hand, furiously ignoring the fact that the feeling of pleasure he had felt before was back. Dipping in to his Savant senses, Xav could see that it felt a lot worse than it actually was.

Xav now had two options: he could get the first aid kit and heal it normally with bandages and antiseptic, or he could use his Savant gift and heal it a lot quicker.

He was stuck, unsure whether to reveal that he had extra talents to Anton. The thought that Anton was in pain made his gut twist with a feeling he couldn't quite place. He wanted to relieve him of any pain he felt immediately, and he had the power to do that, but was now hesitating because it would lead to questions about Savants, and Xav would have no choice but to answer them. He might even have to tell him about soulfinders, which could very well ruin this relationship that was just beginning to take off.

He was caught in the middle, no idea what to do. Then Anton let out another moan of pain, and before he knew what he was doing, Xav was using his Savant powers and was healing him.

Anton looked up at him in wonder as the pain in his hand was soothed. It didn't take long for Xav to fully heal his hand; the cut closed up and the pain stopped. Xav knew it was going to happen, that Anton was going to look at him with awe, surprise and curiosity, but there was some part of him that was secretly hoping Anton was in fact a Savant himself. Now that hope was crushed.

"You, you're..."

Xav braced himself; Anton would probably say something like a superhero or wizard or something ridiculous.

"You're just like me."

He had not been expecting that.

"What?" was the only thing Xav could think to say.

"I mean, you can do unexplained things, like heal me..." Anton seemed embarrassed and amazed at the same time, if that was possible.

"You...you mean you're a Savant too?" asked Xav, confused.

"What is a Savant?" asked Anton. Great, now they were both confused.

"But you just said that you had a gift..."

"I do. I can make people tell the truth, can tell when someone is lying. I discovered it when I was about ten, and at first thought I was some kind of freak. That's why I never told anyone, not even my family. They probably wouldn't believe me anyway, the amount of books my family read collectively they would think that it was something out of a book. Over the years I perfected my gift, waiting for that one person who would come and explain to me why I could do these unexplained things. That's what always happens in the books; someone comes along and explains it, and I guess for me that person is you. You really are my saviour."

Xav was shocked, and amazed. He couldn't believe Anton was a Savant but no one in his family was. "Anton... Okay, let me explain it to you then. A Savant is someone who has an extra gift. Like me... Like you too, apparently. Its runs in the family, something about genetics, so I don't understand how you can be a Savant and your parents aren't, but that's something you'll have to ask them. My family are all Savants, and every Savant had a different gift. I'm a healer, and each of my brothers can do different things. We can all do telepathy and telekinesis though."

"We can? I never knew that." Anton remained amazed, as though he couldn't really believe that this was actually happening, that someone was actually explaining the thing that had bugged him for nearly half of his life. Xav smiled at the expression on his face; it looked so cute.

"Yeah, we can. Anyway, there are quite a lot of Savants out there, but we're only high profile in our own communities because if we got famous and someone found out we were a Savant, it would lead to very awkward questions. Some people are bound to misuse the powers they've been given; quite a few Savants feel that they're more important than everyone else. To stop these rogue Savants there's this thing called the Savant net, which me and my family are a part of."

Now came the hardest part. He had to tell him about soulfinders. It was painful, because Xav was really starting to like Anton but knew that if he told him that they _both_ had soulfinders out there then their attempt at a relationship might not work out. "So is that it? Is there anything else I need to know about being a Savant?" asked Anton. He seemed so innocent not knowing, and it broke Xav's heart.

"Yeah, there's one more thing. Every Savant has someone out there who is conceived at the same time as you that is genetically...perfect for you. They're called your soulfinder, but to find your soulfinder is actually pretty rare because they could be anywhere in the world, they might not even know they are a Savant like you, and the only way you know if they are your soulfinder is if you use telepathy, then there's this feeling and you just _know._ At least that's what I've been told, since I haven't found mine yet. It's really hard if you don't find your soulfinder though, because its so painful knowing they're out there and you may never find them and no one will ever satisfy you the way they will."

He could pinpoint the moment Anton's dream shattered. So far it had been great, he had found out why he was different, but now he was beginning to realise that it wasn't all fun and games. That being a Savant was actually the hardest thing ever because you live with knowing you have been gifted with someone perfect but you may never meet that person.

"And your soulfinder... Are they always of the opposite gender?" asked Anton in a small voice.

Xav blushed, and was all of a sudden unsure how to answer this question, mostly because he was all of a sudden unsure of the answer.

"Er... I'm not sure. My dad always drilled it into my head that they couldn't be, that it was impossible in every way, but personally I don't know. I've never met a gay pair of soulfinders, but whose to say that that doesn't mean they don't exist?"

It seemed to be the right answer, because Anton smiled at him, which inevitably led to Xav's heart melting. Damn, his emotions were confused right now.

The conversation lapsed, then Xav blurted out "Do you want to come and sit in the living room?" He had only just realised that they were still awkwardly standing in the kitchen.

Anton grinned at him. "Sure."

They sat down next to each other, and when Xav turned to look at Anton he was overwhelmed with a sudden urge to kiss him. Properly. On the lips. And he would have done it too. The only thing stopping him wasn't the fact that he was a guy, but it was the fact that he had just dropped the whole soulfinder bombshell on him and Anton was definitely not ready for a relationship with someone who wasn't his when he had only just found out he had one. It surprised Xav, though. How absolutely ready he was to kiss Anton, despite not knowing him for that long, despite the fact that he was a boy and he knew that no one would ever approve.

"Have any of your family found their soulfinders?"whispered Anton, breaking Xav out of his trance of staring at Anton's lips.

"My mom and dad are soulfinders, and my two younger brothers, Yves and Zed, have found theirs."

"That must be so bad, that your only younger brothers found theirs before you," said Anton sympathetically.

Xav remembered his burning jealousy, and said, "It's the worst. For so long was so consumed with jealousy, it was untrue. In fact one of the reasons I came to London was to get away from Sky and Phee, it felt like they were suffocating me."

"Are you still jealous?" Anton asked softly.

"Everything changed when I came to London and met you." He didn't know why he was being so open, maybe it was the fact that Anton's powers were to make people tell the truth, but Xav thought it was more likely that now that he knew that he couldn't really have a relationship with Anton, he may as well tell him how he felt towards him.

"I think you probably guessed that I...uh...was questioningmy sexuality when I met you, but the truth is that before I met you, I had never thought that I could be gay. It never even crossed my mind, because everyone, especially my dad, had always told me that my soulfinder would be a girl and that meant that I was straight. No questions asked. But when I first saw you, I was so attracted to you, more than I had been with anyone else, and it shook me completely. Was I just that attracted to you because I was finally being attracted to the right gender, or was it something else? Like, how could I be gay if my soulfinder was a girl, somewhere out there? I was so confused that I didn't even feel jealous any more, because in a way, I didn't even want to meet my soulfinder."

Xav looked into Anton's eyes. They were shocked, and Xav wondered if he had blew his chances of even having a friendship with Anton. "I'm sorry..." he rushed to say, to try and amend it, but Anton shushed him.

"Its okay. I understand your confusion, but obviously I can't help; I didn't even know what a soulfinder was an hour ago. But if it helps, when I first saw you, I was more attracted to you than anyone I don't know about what we're feeling, but it's not exactly normal. I've been with guys and girls and no one has ever made me feel like you do."

They both looked at each other, the kind of gaze that lingers and makes the blood rush to your cheeks. "Xav, I..." They both leaned in slightly, and Anton's gazes flickered to Xav's lips. _Oh my god, he's going to kiss me, _thought Xav, panicking internally but not in a bad way.

Then Anton abruptly leaned away. "No, I can't do this. Not right now, after what I've just learnt about myself, that I have a soulfinder."

Xav was disappointed, but he had been very shocked that Anton had even gone as far as to almost kiss him. It had taken Xav a long time to come to grips with the fact that it may take a long time to find his soulfinder and to be able to date other people. "It's okay, honestly. I never expected you to."

Anton smiled wanly at him, looking shaken. Xav wanted to pull him into his arms and hold him, but decided that wasn't the best of ideas. To change the subject, Xav asked, "So, do you have any other questions about being a Savant?"

"Yeah. I never knew that I could do telepathy or telekinesis as well. Do you think you could show me how?"

Grateful to be talking about something that was easier, Xav answered, "Sure. Telepathy is easier than telekinesis, so we'll start with that. I'll talk to you, and you just answer back."

Anton nodded, so Xav reached out with his mind and found Anton's. _Just talk back like we're having a normal conversation, _he said.

When he said the words, Anton paled and gripped the fabric of he sofa underneath him, his eyes wide. Xav panicked. "Anton?"

_Xav... _That one word echoed inside Xav's head. It sent him trembling, sent pleasure he didn't even know existed flooding through his body. It lit him up, made him feel joyous and want to jump up and down like a little girl and dance on the spot. Instead he could only stare in shock. At Anton. At his-

_Does it normally feel like this? _Asked Anton's voice in his head, sending the same tingling feeling crawling over his body. He would never get used to this amazing feeling.

Xav had to laugh at the question. "No, Anton. It does not normally feel like this." He was on the brink of tears, but happy tears.

Meanwhile Anton was looking happy but confused, like he had an idea of what was going on but didn't know if he was right and was terrified that he'd be wrong.

"Anton Blue, you-you're my soulfinder."

* * *

**A/N: Sorry for the rubbish cliffhanger but it had to be done ;)**


	6. Forever To Share

**A/N: Sorry for the wait and the fact that this chapter is really short, but still hope you enjoy it. It's pretty fluffy and cute, a bit of a filler chapter.**

**Thank you so much for all of your reviews, and please continue to leave them, they are really motivating :)**

* * *

Chapter Six

"Anton Blue, you-you're my soulfinder."

He couldn't believe it. He'd spent so long searching, of feeling jealous, of knowing his soulfinder was out there but that they were nameless, faceless to him, a stranger. Now his soulfinder had a face, and it was the most beautiful one he'd ever seen. It was unreal.

They both just stared at each other, shock mingling with happiness. "Xav..."

They leant towards each other, Xav staring into Anton's eyes with the green flecks standing out. "Did you know you have green flecks in your eyes?" blurted Xav, just wanting to let Anton know that he saw everything about him, thought that he was beautiful.

"In your right eye there's an almost golden rim at the edge of your iris," whispered Anton. Xav hadn't known that, and realised that Anton had been observing him with the same intensity he had been doing to Anton.

"Your fingers, they're always tapping out some tune on an imaginary piano," said Xav, since they were exchanging little details they'd noticed about each other. Anton blushed a little.

"When you smile, this side of your mouth," Anton breathed as he leant forward and rested his fingers on the right side of Xav's lips, "goes up a little more than the other."

The contact was startling, sending shivers running up and down his body. It also lingered neither of them wanting to move away and lose this amazing feeling. "It's you, it's really you," whispered Xav, unable to take it in fully.

Anton smiled and nodded, his eyes shining. "Oh my god, this isn't happening." But it was. For so _so _long Xav had dreamed about his soulfinder, some fantasy. He'd seen his brothers find theirs but now it was his turn. To say this was a dream come true was an understatement.

"This is real, Xav. I'm real, you're real. _We're _real."

He couldn't take it any more. Anton's fingers on the side of his mouth were teasing him too much. This electric feeling, he couldn't get enough of it and knew that he could experience it a thousand times more. "Kiss me," he breathed, and then Anton's lips were on his and it was amazing.

Their mouths fitted perfectly against each other, that feeling built up inside Xav and burst, pleasure flooding to all parts of Xav's body. He was on fire in a brilliant sort of way. It was the best feeling in the world, something that he wanted to last forever.

Xav had never kissed a guy before, but compared to any of his other kisses with girls this was the most natural thing. They both shuffled closer to each other, Xav's hands running through Anton's dark hair, Anton's thumb brushing against Xav's cheek. Xav was acutely aware of every place they were touching, his senses magnified.

_I'm kissing my soulfinder, _thought Xav. It didn't feel real, like some sort of dream, but it wasn't. It was so very real.

They finally broke apart, their foreheads resting against each other. "Best. Kiss. Ever," whispered Anton, and Xav had to laugh because it was so true.

"I think I could easily become addicted to your kisses, Anton," admitted Xav.

Anton smiled. "Kissing me is a good thing to be addicted to. It means I get to kiss you back." He leaned forwards and they kissed again. _Never, _thought Xav, _I will never ever get used to this feeling. It will never cease to be the best feeling in the world._

When they were done, Anton said, "I can't believe it. I found my soulfinder on the same day as I found out I had a soulfinder. I must be the luckiest guy on Earth." He seemed amazed; the expression on his face was a mixture of all good emotions rolled into one. Xav was sure his own was mirroring it; he'd never felt so happy in all his life.

Having Anton in his arms made him forget about his family too. At that moment, at that moment of discovery he couldn't have cared less about what his family or his dad thought of this new relationship or of what he would be claiming if and when he told them: that Saul was wrong and that your soulfinder could be of the same gender. He didn't care that he was contradicting what his father had taught him, at that moment all he felt was an immense joy that his soulfinder was here, that he was touching him and nothing else mattered. He knew that he would care sooner or later, and that he would have to tell Anton that deep down he was terrified of him family's opinion, but for now they could both enjoy the fact that they had found each other, and pretend for a little while that everything was going to be okay.

"You probably are. We're both extremely lucky to have found each other, I mean it's always been like a distant fantasy to me and now you're here and-" Now he got a little bit emotional, a couple of tears leaking from his eyes. Anton's rested his hands on Xav's jaw and then amidst his tears he laughed, because he was just so happy and this moment was just so perfect.

"I'm so glad it's you," said Anton. He put his arm across Xav's waist, and Xav flung his arm around Anton's shoulders. They just held each other, no words needed, just to hold their soulfinders was the most amazing thing in the world and they didn't need any more words to try and describe it, because in truth it was indescribable.

They were interrupted form just being with each other by Anton's phone ringing. The noise made both of them jump, before Anton's hand went guiltily to his pocket and retrieved his phone. "Oh my god, is that the time? I told my family I was going to be out for a couple of hours, but I've been here for...well a lot longer than that. I guess time just got away from me." The phone stopped ringing, but Anton was still looking guiltily at it.

"It's okay, you can go. As long as I can see you again soon," said Xav.

Anton grinned. "Are you kidding me? You can see me any time you want. Besides, we have forever to share."

The last sentence really got to Xav. "Yeah, I suppose we do."

They both got up, but before Anton left he pulled Xav into one last, lingering, amazing kiss. "Bye, soulfinder," he murmured before leaving. He left, leaving Xav's heart stuttering.

* * *

It took Xav a while to process what had just happened. He had just found his soulfinder. He knew who his soulfinder was.

But not only that. His soulfinder was a guy. It went against everything his father had told him, against the automatic assumption that his soulfinder would be a girl to the point that they were referred to as 'her'. Except Xav's soulfinder wasn't 'her'. It was 'him' and that was something that no one was expecting and something that Xav couldn't be sure of everyone's opinion of. Finding his soulfinder was an amazing thing, but he wasn't sure if his family would share his opinion. /most likely his dad wouldn't believe him and say that it couldn't be possible that his soulfinder was a man. That he was lying. But Xav knew the truth, that feeling he'd felt was unquestionable.

Anton Blue was his soulfinder.

And nothing anyone told him would ever make him change his mind.

Yet, he still cared what his family thought, he didn't want them to think bad of him for something he couldn't control.

_Stop thinking of all the negatives that came out of what you just discovered and start thinking about the positives._

That voice in his head was right; he had just found his fricking soulfinder. It was the best thing ever, and he shouldn't let himself feel bad about it, because there was nothing to feel bad about.

He missed Anton already, but then remembered what he had said. _We have forever to share. _He was right. They did.

* * *

Anton could honestly not believe what had just happened to him.

He had just got home, and had been greeted with a couple of curious questions from his parents, but they weren't the prying sort so had let him go without too much of an interrogation. He had come upstairs, to his room, sat down and just thought _wow. _The mystery surrounding his unusual ability had just been cleared up, but not only that.

No. He'd just discovered he had a soul mate, and then realised his soul mate was the guy staring at him and telling him all this. It was the single most amazing moment of his life and just thinking about the feeling he'd gotten when Xav had touched him sent tingles running up and down his body.

_Soulfinder. Someone to spend forever with. _Anton had been with quite a few people in the past, but had always felt that there was something lacking in his relationships. He'd originally thought that it maybe he was trying with the wrong gender, but he'd felt the same thing when he'd tried relationships with boys too. Now he knew why it had felt like it was never going to work out. Because he had someone out there that was perfect for him that he didn't even know he had to search for.

It was slightly a scary thought, that he was going to spend the rest of his life with Xav, that there was no one else out there for him, because he was no longer looking for someone who would complete him, he already had that. It was awesome, but yeah, still slightly scary.

_Anton?_ Echoed Xav's voice inside his head, that same sensation he had felt the first time flooding his body.

_Xav? We can talk from this far away?_

He could _feel_ Xav's grin through their bond; it made him feel warm inside. _Yeah, apparently we can. We wouldn't be able to with anyone else, but I guess our soulfinder bond allows us to. _Xav's grin widened. _This is so awesome._

_ Agreed. _Anton set him back the impression of a smile, getting used to the feeling of speaking telepathically and having someone in his mind.

They talked for a while, enjoying the feeling of just speaking like this with their soulfinders. Anton just sat on his bed smiling like a total idiot while having a conversation in his head. When Calypso burst into his room he was broke out of his reverie and became aware of how odd he looked. He hadn't exactly gotten the hang of multitasking: speaking telepathically whilst doing other things at the same time.

"Anton, what on Earth are you doing? Probably just sitting here and daydreaming..."

He had kept the Savant secret for so long that he wasn't ready to give it up just yet. He knew he would have to soon, when he introduced Xav to his family, but he wasn't thinking about that so quickly. He was used to keeping his relationships secrets from his family, not that they wouldn't approve, but some part of him knew that the relationship wasn't going to last, and he didn't want to be like Finnick, who brought home every girl he set his eyes on and they were never seen again.

"Nothing, Caly, as you said. Just daydreaming." He smiled knowingly.

She gave him a wonky smile, probably thinking about how weird her big brother is, and left.

_I'm going to go to sleep now. Night Xav._

_ Night, Anton._

* * *

Both of them fell asleep and woke up with smiles on their faces because they knew that they only had to reach out and their soulfinder would be there.

_Xav? _

_ Hey there, _came the immediate response.

They conversed for a little while, the Xav said, _I have to go to work now, but do you want to meet up later?_

Anton smirked, then remembered Xav couldn't see him. _Can't get enough of me?_

_ I'll never have enough of you, Anton._

_ That's sweet. Yeah, how about we meet up at about six? _Then with slight embarrassment he added, _I missed you._

Xav sent a telepathic laugh, which was somehow the greatest sound in the world, despite it being silent. _We've been talking for basically the entire time we've been apart._

_ You know what I mean._

_ Yeah, yeah, missed you too. Now I really have to go._

_ Bye._

They cut the link, but it was still there, Anton could still feel it. Their soulfinder bond allowed them to feel each other, even if they weren't talking. He was always there, constantly present in Anton's mind.

Anton smiled to himself at the thought of having Xav there at all times, if he ever needed him he could just reach out and Xav would always be there.

His soulfinder. Juts thinking about it made him immeasurably happy.

He couldn't wait to see Xav again.


	7. Meet The Parents

**A/N: Yay, the next chapter. And it's longer this time. Anton's family features here; I would aspire to raise a family like his, a family that accepts you no matter what, so that's why they seem so chilled :)**

**I go back to school on Monday so the I have no idea what's going to happen to my updates after that, hopefully they won't be too far apart!**

**Thank you so much for reading, and for leaving such positive reviews, and please continue to do so! Enjoy ;)**

* * *

Chapter Seven

Over the next few days, they couldn't seem to stay away from each other. They were always talking, always making plans to see each other and always in the other's mind. Sometimes they would go out to cafés or chilling at Xav's apartment, just enjoying being in each other's company. It was extremely easy to be in Anton's company for Xav, something that was as natural as breathing.

One time Anton suggested going on a date around central London. "But I've already seen London, and I'm not really interested in any of the tourist attractions any way," countered Xav.

"You've never been with me. And besides," he added, his cheeks colouring, "I always imagined it as a perfect date. Now I finally have the perfect guy to go with."

"Oh right then. Well why not. And I am pretty perfect," joked Xav. They had already gotten to the level where they could tease each other with things like that.

"Yeah, right."

The date was actually pretty amazing, they went around London, on the tube to different places, taking funny pictures outside the monuments, Anton giving hilarious commentary at the places they went to. They were standing on Blackfriars Bridge, looking out across the Thames. "Okay, I'll admit, I was wrong. This is the perfect date."

Anton looked smug and playfully nudged Xav's ribs. He leant in and placed a chaste, teasing, and way too short kiss on Xav's lips before drawing back and whispering "Told you so."

Before he could fully draw away, Xav pulled him back and kissed him properly, to which Anton responded immediately and kissed him back. It was the first time they had really engaged in any public displays of affection, but Xav closed his eyes and pretended that no one could see them and just lost himself in the kiss.

When they pulled apart Anton grinned at him, and Xav smiled back until he noticed that some guy behind them was giving them dirty looks simply because they were two guys who were clearly in a relationship. The guy whispered something under his breath, something that was obviously about Xav and Anton and obviously not very nice. Anton must have noticed that Xav's smile had dropped because he turned around to see what Xav was staring at. "Come on, ignore him. Lets go," he said, practically dragging Xav away.

The mood of the date had gone, so they just went straight back to Xav's apartment. When they got there, almost the minute Xav shut the door, Anton pulled him into a deep kiss, a kiss that said more than words ever could. It was long and slow, and sent shivers running down his body to the point Xav was nearly shaking.

They broke away. "I'm sorry," said Anton.

"What are you sorry for? It wasn't your fault."

"I know, I know. Some people are stupid, and don't understand that its okay to love whoever you want."

"Is that your round about way of saying you love me?" asked Xav, looking into Anton's gorgeous eyes.

Anton seemed a little embarrassed. "Not the point. The point is that people are going to judge us, judge you, for who you are. It's completely and utterly wrong, but it's still going to happen. I've had time to accept this, but I know that it's new to you. Some people are jerks, but you have to let yourself be above their stupid comments and just be who you are."

Xav sighed. "I know. I just hate the fact that people judge you for something that you can't help, that you can't decide. It hurts. Especially if the people are people you love."

The conversation had taken a quick turn. It felt like up until now they had been on the honeymoon period, where everything was great and the world was just full of the two of them and the smiles they shared, but now it felt as though the perfect picture was cracking. They still had each other and that was the best thing in the world, but the world wasn't perfect. They were just beginning to face their problems, but it would be okay as long as they had each other.

Xav knew he could trust Anton with anything, and that Anton knew when he was lying. He could put off having this conversation for a while, but he remembered the first time Anton had shown Xav his power, after Xav had tried to teach him telekinesis but he had failed miserably. Xav had asked to see Anton use his power, so he had. When Anton had made him tell the truth, his eyes had changed from the warm brown they usually are. His eyes became mesmerizing and sort of scary and without wanting to the truth just slipped from his mouth. Anton had said that he'd never do it again unless Xav wanted him to, but Anton just had a sort of aura that you wanted to tell him the truth any way.

"Xav, what do you mean?" asked Anton in a soft voice.

"I mean that the reason that guy got to me so much is because I can't help but imagine those expressions on my family's faces."

Anton brought his hands up to Xav's face and caressed his cheek slightly. "Do you think they wouldn't approve of us?"

"As I said, my dad has always drilled it into our heads that our soulfinder would be a girl and that to think otherwise was just plain wrong. But now I know that he's the one who's wrong. If I told him about us, he'd never believe me, never accept it. I don't know what he'd do, exactly, but it wouldn't be good. And the fact that he's told all my brothers that its impossible to be a Savant and be gay, I don't know what they'd believe. I have no idea whether they'd approve or not. But I want my family to approve, I want them to accept me. It's all well saying that I need to ignore people and their comments, but if they're my family then I really care about what they think of me."

Anton looked him in the eye, and said, "Look, I can't pretend to know how you feel. I have had while to accept it, and although I haven't told my parents I know that they would be accepting. But when you do decide to tell you family know that I will always be there for you."

Xav knew that Anton wouldn't understand, but felt grateful that he was being sympathetic. "I'm sorry. This probably sounds stupid to you."

"Xav, this is anything but stupid," said Anton.

Xav smiled; he couldn't believe he had been blessed with such an amazing and genuinely nice guy for a soulfinder. "Thank you for trying to understand," whispered Xav, and he kissed Anton. Anton kissed him back, and when they were done they just stood there entangled in each other and the world, although flawed, seemed perfect again.

* * *

About a week or so after that, they were talking when Anton randomly said, "I want you to meet my parents."

Xav turned to look at him. Meeting the parents was a big step in a relationship, but Xav also knew that Anton was the only person he wanted to have a relationship with ever, so he responded by saying, "Okay then."

Anton laughed. "I mean, it just feels stupid to hide it from them when you're the only person I'm ever going to be with..." Anton knew that Xav was sensitive on the topic of telling his own parents, but Xav didn't say anything because he actually did want to meet Anton's parents and he didn't really want to bring up that topic again.

"Yeah, I understand. So when?" he asked instead.

"How about Friday night? I still need to ask my parents but I'm sure they won't mind."

Xav snuggled into Anton, breathing the scent of him in. "Well okay then. Hope they like me."

Anton grinned. "I'm sure they'll love you."

* * *

Anton approached his parents cautiously. His whole family were sitting in the living room, watching television and just chilling out. He had made the move to ask Xav if he would meet his parents, and now it was up to him to actually tell his parents about Xav.

The thing was that he was slightly scared. Not because Xav was a guy and he hadn't actually told them that he'd been having relationships with guys as well as girls. That wasn't the part that was scaring him, because he knew that his parents wouldn't really care about that. The thing he was nervous about was the fact that he had never introduced anyone to his parents because he had never really imagined the relationship would last. But now he had found Xav, found his soulfinder, and that was it. He was going to spend the rest of his life with him, something he was getting used to the more time he spent with Xav, but introducing him to his parents was still a big step.

He sat down and sort of joined in the conversation before saying, "Er... So I don't know if anyone has caught on but I've kind of...been seeing someone for a little while," he started.

Nico snorted and said sarcastically, "Well no, it's not obvious at all. It's not like you're out all the time without telling us where you're going or anything..."

"Quiet Nico," scolded their mother.

"Anyway," continued Anton, "I'd like you to meet him."

He'd basically just come out, admitted that he was gay and in a relationship with a guy, but no one even batted an eyelash.

"Okay, well when?"

"I said this Friday, how does that work for you guys?" Internally, he was breathing a sigh if relief that this was going so well.

His mum, Leyna, smiled at him and said, "That's perfect. Bring him round at seven."

_Prepare for meeting the parents on Friday at seven._

_ Oh god, _came Xav's reply.

* * *

It was Friday night, and Anton and Xav were approaching Anton's house. "Is it normal to feel this nervous? I mean I want to leave a good impression because they're your parents and I don't want them to not like me because then I will be dating you without their approval and..."

Anton interrupted him. "Xav, you're rambling. And you'll be fine."

"Are you going to tell them about Savants and the fact we're soulfinders? I mean, maybe someone knows why you're a Savant."

Anton sighed. "I was thinking about that, and decided that I may as well, I mean I want them to know why you're so special to me."

"I think that's the right decision. There's no point keeping it from them now you know exactly what your power means."

They had reached the front door, and Anton reached into his pocket and brought out his key. They stepped inside, and Xav's first reaction was "Wow, do you actually live here?" The house was huge, fairly old but with modern décor. Xav could see the kitchen and the door leading to another room, and the dark wooden stairs led up to the bedrooms.

Anton gave a small smile and said, "Yeah," a little sheepishly.

"Are you rich or something?" Xav was amazed at the house; his house in Wrickenridge was big but he had a massive family and when they were all round it felt cramped. Anton's house seemed spacious but not too big for it to feel empty.

Anton seemed embarrassed. "Er..."

At that moment, Leyna came from the kitchen, her smile wide. She was quite a small lady, with light brown hair and radiant green eyes. Xav could see the resemblance to her son; they had the same facial structure, same long fingers, same sort of smile.

"Mum, this is my boyfriend Xav. Xav, this is my mum Leyna." introduced Anton.

Xav shook her hand politely. "It is great to meet you, Xav. Do come in!"

She seemed nice, full of energy and bubbly, not about to judge Xav unless he did something drastically wrong.

They walked through a door into the living room, where the entire family seemed to have assembled. Xav recognised Arya, who was smiling at him like _Bet you're glad I left that day, right? _Anton quickly introduced him to the others. His dad, Jed, was tall and tanned, and spoke with a thick Australian accent. He shook Xav's hand firmly, and Xav was already wishing that his dad would be as accepting as this.

Finnick, the one who Anton had dubbed as a heart breaker, was seventeen and had light brown hair and green eyes like his mom, but looked a mischievous smile. His twin, Calypso, was altogether more sombre. She had the same coloured hair as her twin, but her smile was more reserved and she had dark eyes like Anton.

Nico was fifteen and sort of a typical moody teenager. He had long dark hair and bright green eyes. Xav learned that Arya, the youngest, was only thirteen and looked the most like Anton. In all they made a sort of mismatched family, but they were a family who were all smiling at him.

Xav hoped he made a good impression. They had dinner altogether and they all asked Xav questions. They asked how they had met, which Anton had responded to with a cute blush and, "Er... I kind of fell on him."

That made everyone laugh. "Anton is _so _clumsy. Last year he broke his arm tripping over nothing!" exclaimed Calypso.

Xav smiled. "Yeah I know."

They didn't ask too many questions about their relationship, which Xav respected them for. He felt himself begin to relax throughout the course of the meal; the Blues were very friendly and inviting, it felt like he had become part of the family already.

After dinner they told Xav he could stay for a cup of tea. "Erm... I don't like tea," he said.

Leyna looked shocked but in a jokey sort of way. "You mean to say Anton is actually going out with someone who doesn't like tea?!" Then she smiled and added, "What would you like instead?"

"Coffee would be great."

"Arya, go make the drinks, please."

"I always have to make the drinks," whined Arya, but she reluctantly went into the kitchen and started making the drinks. Xav smiled watching the family interact; for the last few weeks he had been alone in his apartment when he wasn't with Anton and it was nice to see family life again, even if it wasn't his. It was also nice to be around a family without a burning sense of jealousy enveloping him.

_When are you going to tell them about Savants? _He asked Anton, who was fidgeting nervously next to him.

_Now, I guess. _Xav took Anton's hand and squeezed it reassuringly; he knew it must be hard to tell his family a secret he had been keeping for nine years.

"There's something I need to tell you," said Anton, earning the attention of his whole family.

"What is it?" asked Jed.

"Okay, this seems completely crazy, but its the truth so just trust me. I'm not normal," he began.

"What are you talking about?" asked Leyna, concerned.

"I have a sort of extra gear in my mind that lets me do extra things. Like I can make people tell the truth, even if they don't want to, and I can tell when someone is lying. I thought that I was just some sort of freak, but then Xav came along and told me that I wasn't, because he was just like me. I mean he's a healer, but he's a Savant too."

Everyone was looking at them with incredulous expressions on their faces, except for Jed, who Xav noticed was looking down.

"That can't be real... I mean that sounds like something I made up and wrote a book about. How...?" Leyna seemed dumbfounded.

Anton looked at Xav. _Told you this would happen._

_ Just explain it. Maybe show them your power._

"This is real, I promise. Here, let me show you."

Anton looked at his mum and his eyes flashed and he said, "What's your opinion of Xav?"

Leyna stared into Anton's eyes and then spoke as though the words were just falling out of her mouth in a massive heap. "He seemed like a very nice boy, until you started saying that he told you you were a Savant and had like powers and stuff."

When she had finished talking, Leyna clapped her hands over her mouth. "I didn't mean to say that. I didn't mean to..." She looked nearly on the verge of tears.

"It's okay, mum, Xav doesn't mind." Anton glared at Xav, and he smiled and nodded to indicate that he indeed did not mind. And he didn't, because he would think it was crazy if he hadn't grown up knowing that it was true.

"Your eyes went crazy, they like flashed and then I had no choice but to tell the truth, whether I wanted to or not. Oh my god, this is real."

The rest of the family were staring at Anton in shock. "This is definitely real. I would show you my power too, but that would require someone being hurt in the first place, so I can't. We can also do telepathy with each other and telekinesis, which I can show you," said Xav.

He concentrated on the first thing he could find: the TV remote which was on the table in front of him. It lifted up, and he could see that they were all sold, that they believed Anton. He set the remote back gently.

"That is so awesome!" exclaimed Finnick, punching the air for effect.

"This is amazing. I can't believe this is actually true," muttered Leyna.

"There's one more thing. Savants have a sort of soul mate; someone who is conceived at the same time as them anywhere in the world. They're called your soulfinder and they're perfect for you. I'm probably the luckiest person ever because my soulfinder is sitting right here." He gestured to Xav. "So when I say he's the one... He literally is the only one for me."

"Aww, that's really cute," smiled Calypso. Anton grinned at Xav.

"The only thing I'm confused about is the fact that Anton is a Savant and you guys aren't. I thought that the Savant gene ran in the family; as both my parents are Savants, naturally me and my brothers are too. But clearly Anton is the only one in his family."

Jed looked up and looked his son in the eye and said, "I know why."

* * *

**A/N: Oooh a cliffhanger (I'm sorry I'm so mean :D)**


	8. The Illusion Shatters

**A/N: Hiya! I'm so sorry for the long waits between the chapters but I have so much homework and not enough time to write and I'm a slow writer generally and together this is not a good combination. But I try and get chapters out as soon as possible so please bear with me.**  


**Please please please let me know what you think, I love hearing from my readers!**

* * *

Chapter Eight

All eyes in the room were fixed on Jed. "Dad? Do you know why I am a Savant?" asked Anton.

Jed nodded his head. "The Savant gene is... well erratic in my family. I didn't get it, but my father is a Savant, and Aunt Juliana is one too, that's why she lives in America with her husband, her soulfinder."

"Wait, so you knew about Savants, knew that one of your children could possibly be a Savant and yet you didn't bother to tell us?" Xav could see that Anton was getting angry, and rightly so. If his father had kept this from him he would be mad too. "You let me believe that I was some sort of freak, not normal. You didn't say that perhaps one of us had a soulfinder, that perhaps we might want to know why all our relationships failed, that we might want to know we have a soulfinder so we could go out looking for them instead of sitting around and maybe never finding them."

Jed looked down again. "Anton, I'm so sorry. Yes, I knew about Savants but I thought that because I wasn't a Savant myself, none of my children could be, otherwise I would have told you. You have a right to be angry, but if I thought in anyway you could be a Savant, I would have told you straight away. If you'd have told us about your gift earlier I promise you I would have told you. I'm so sorry."

Anton was clearly mad, but looked at his father and somehow managed to say, "Okay, I believe you. I believe that if you thought it to be possible, you would have told us. Do you know why I got the gene?"

"As I said, it's erratic. I don't know how it works, some people in the family get it and some don't, I think it's just luck."

"Right, okay." Xav looked at Anton, who appeared to be remarkably calm now. If Xav had been in his position he would have been fuming, but Anton was a generally calm person. Xav envied him slightly.

"I can't believe you knew about Savants and you didn't tell me," said Leyna to her husband.

"Well to be fair, I don't know very much. I don't even know what my own sister's power is," said Jed.

"Is it hard to find your soulfinder?" asked Calypso. Jed seemed to be glad that the conversation had been directed away from the secret he had kept from his family.

Xav grinned; before he had met Anton he would have felt awful answering this question, but knowing his soulfinder was sitting right next to him gave him the confidence to answer it without that horrible feeling stirring up inside him. "Yes, as your soulfinder could be anywhere around the world, and the only way you know they are your soulfinder is if you use telepathy, Anton and I were extremely lucky to have found each other."

The conversation turned to Anton's family asking curious questions about Savants, which Xav was happy to answer. He talked about the Savant net, about his brothers and the different powers they have. He did have to make all of them promise not to tell anyone about Savants, for their own protection, but they all did without hesitation.

After Xav had finished his drink, he made his excuses. "It was very nice to meet you, Xav," said Leyna, and everyone concurred. Anton walked him to the door.

"Thank you so much for doing this, Xav."

"Well, I was going to have to do it at some point, I may as well get it over with. They seemed really nice and accepting; I'm sorry I can't promise the same if you were to meet my family."

"It's fine," he said. Then Anton kissed him before they said goodbye.

* * *

It had been nearly three weeks since Xav had called his own family. Meanwhile in those three weeks his relationship with Anton had developed significantly, their kisses becoming longer, deeper, slower, full of more meaning. He had been putting off calling them ever since he had started a relationship with Anton, but he knew his mom would be worrying about him by now. He was thinking abut this when Anton was at his apartment, and Anton could tell he was thinking about something that was troubling him.

"What's the matter, Xav?" he inquired, settling down next to him on the sofa.

"I was just thinking that I really need to call home," he said.

"Oh, right. Well why don't you?" asked Anton softly, approaching the topic with caution.

"I know I have to, but I'm not ready to tell them about us yet."

"Well then don't. You don't have to tell them until you're ready, Xav."

Xav sighed and got out his laptop. "Wait, you're calling them now?" asked Anton, confused.

"Yeah."

"But I thought you didn't want to tell them about us..." He sounded so confused that Xav almost laughed.

"I don't. But I kind of want you to be here when I do it for, you know, moral support and whatnot. So you can sit behind the laptop screen and smile to give me silent support."

Anton laughed. "This has the be the weirdest 'meet my parents except don't' thing I've ever heard about."

Xav frowned. "You've heard about other 'meet my parents except don't' things?"

"No." They both shared a laugh before Xav opened the laptop. He angled it so Anton was directly behind the screen; Xav could see him but his family would have no idea that there was anyone there. He took a deep breath and hit call.

They picked up after the first couple of rings. "Hello Xav," came the deep voice of Saul. After being in London for a while, Xav had grown used to the British accents, and he had also grown used to Anton's unique accent, so it was weird hearing the American ones now, despite it being something he should be used to.

Xav almost cringed at the sight of his family, but managed to keep it together. "Hi, dad."

"Xavier, you have been a naughty boy," said Karla. "Why have you not called before now?"

Xav managed to look at least a little guilty. "I'm so sorry, mom, I'm have just been really busy."

_Okay, it's official. This is the weirdest thing I have ever done. _Anton's voice came in his head. Xav tried to put himself in his position: seeing his boyfriend talk to his parents without actually being able to actually see said parents and not actually being introduced to them.

_I'm sorry. _Xav looked up quickly to see Anton's face, which was looking fairly amused, then looked quickly back to the screen in order to give nothing away. "Well, I am saying that you have to call every two days from now on. I was worried sick about you!" exclaimed Karla.

"Okay, fine," agreed Xav a little grudgingly.

"I'm sure your brothers would like to talk to you," said Saul, then seemed to pick up the laptop and take it into another room where all of his brothers were assembled. All of them. "You're all here?" he asked, wondering why all his brothers were at their house.

"Yeah, something came up," said Victor, not disclosing any more information. That annoyed Xav a little; it felt like he was being excluded from his family just because he was in another country. Then again, he had been excluding himself a little by not calling for three weeks.

_I want to see your brothers' reactions if I just came and sat next to you right now and introduced myself as your boyfriend. _

_ Don't you dare. _Anton laughed telepathically. It was kind of disorientating talking to Anton and trying to maintain a conversation with his brothers at the same time, but he managed it.

Xav caught sight of Sky and Phoenix sitting with their soulfinders and a lump caught in his throat. They were so accepted, they fitted so seamlessly into the Benedict family. No one had ever questioned Zed's or Yves' judgement when they had said that they were their soulfinders. Knowing that it would be the opposite if he told his family about Anton just made him feel sad, and a little angry. _Why should it be any different? The only difference is his gender. Everything else is exactly the same. _

_ What? _Asked Anton. Xav realised that he had subconsciously sent those thoughts to Anton without even realising it.

_Never mind. I was just thinking about the fact that my brothers' soulfinders are so accepted yet you wouldn't be just because you're a guy. _Xav looked up and locked eyes with Anton and then couldn't seem to tear his eyes away no matter how hard he tried.

His family must have noticed because Will asked, "What are you looking at?"

Xav had to break the eye contact with Anton and shakily said, "Nothing."

They talked for a while but Xav was acutely aware of Anton sitting there looking at him, occasionally putting in comments or asking what the hell was going on since he couldn't actually see anything. Every time he did, Xav felt a rush of guilt that he wasn't telling his family about Anton, but also he felt sort of guilty for being in a relationship with Anton, something which he knew he shouldn't feel guilty about. It was stretching his emotions thin, he didn't know how to feel.

He was trying to think of the best way to get out of this conversation when someone said, "So, Xav, been keeping an eye out for your soulfinder?" and his stomach dropped.

"Um..." He didn't know what to say, didn't know what to do. He could feel Anton's eyes widen but he didn't say anything.

"Yeah, you never know. She might appear in the oddest of places. And our family seems to have a thing for British girls," said Yves. She. Her. Girls. Xav's fist clenched automatically. On one hand he wanted to scream at his family that he didn't need to look out for his soulfinder because he had already found them and they're all wrong because he's a boy. But on the other hand he was scared, so scared. This combined made him freeze, no idea what to say. He couldn't even bring himself to look up at Anton.

_Xav. Xav? _Anton's voice sounded inside his head, but he didn't respond. His hand began to tremble and his family were looking at him expectantly and then Anton leant over and their faces were gone and it was just the two of them, the closed laptop sitting between them.

"Xav," he said. "Xav are you okay?"

Xav didn't say anything but pulled Anton closer to him and kissed him. He was so confused as to what he should do, what he should say and he just needed to feel something comforting and familiar and something that gave him pleasure. When they broke apart, Xav said, "I'm sorry. I just sort of froze, I didn't know what to say to that."

"It's okay." Xav felt comforted just holding his soulfinder in his arms. "It's okay that you're confused. That's what I'm here for."

"I love you, Anton." He could have described what he felt for Anton in any number of clichés but he felt that these three words needed to be said. He had known it for a while, really, had known it virtually since the day they had met, and now felt like just the right time to say it. He loved Anton for sticking with him, for being patient, for everything about him. He was perfect and he felt that he deserved to know that.

Anton smiled. "I love you too. Never forget that, okay?"

"Never."

Xav glanced back at his laptop and sighed. "I should probably call them and tell them the connection cut or something."

"Only do it if you want to," said Anton, and Xav smiled. He was literally the best soulfinder ever.

"I want to. But only to say goodbye. I don't particularly want to carry on a conversation with them at the current moment."

He repositioned the laptop and called back. "Xav, there you are! What happened?" asked Karla.

"I think the connection cut. I'm sorry about that, but I called back just to say I have to go."

Everyone seemed a little disappointed, but Xav wouldn't be able to stand it if they went back to their previous topic. "Okay. Well remember to call again soon. I mean it, Xavier," warned his mom. He just nodded, eager to end this conversation and closed the laptop lid for the final time.

"Now, where were we?" asked Anton.

"I think the part where we confess our undying love for each other and make out."

They both grinned and Anton said "I love you, Xav. So much. More than anything else in the world."

"I love you too. I love-" He was cut off by Anton's lips attacking his. He responded immediately, deepening the kiss. He tried to forget his family and focused on the fact that Anton loves him and that that was the best thing in the world, good enough to let him forget.

The kiss continued, exploring each other's boundaries. Xav's hands hung onto Anton's waist and Anton's hands trailed down Xav's back. The feeling they felt when they touched each other never went away, it was always there and it was always giving them electric jolts of pure pleasure.

They continued, lost in their own world, a world that was perfect and a world where their love was the only thing that truly mattered.

* * *

Xav woke up with an incredible feeling. He looked across and remembered why, because the man he loved was lying next to him, smiling up at him. "Hey there," he said, and Xav smiled.

"Hey," he said and grinned back. He wished everyday could start as perfectly as this. Waking up next to Anton, next to his soulfinder was just perfect in every way. He leant down and planted a kiss on Anton's lips, and could feel Anton smiling into the kiss.

_I love you. I love you. _He wanted to say that to Anton forever, because he loved him so much. Just now, just touching him was the best thing he had ever experienced and he never wanted to let that go.

They got up and dressed, smiles permanently etched onto both of their faces. "I have to go," mumbled Anton sadly. Xav pulled him into one last kiss.

"Love you," he whispered.

Anton grinned. "Love you too."

Xav watched Anton leave and his smile dropped for the first time. Being with Anton helped him forget the troubles he was having with his family and coming to terms with who he was because when he was with Anton who he really was just came out naturally. He could relax and smile genuinely for the first time in so long, but when Anton left his worries piled up on him again. What would his family think if they knew about him and Anton? What would they believe if if he told them his soulfinder was a guy?

An inevitably suddenly hit him. He only had a few more weeks in London. He talked about forever with Anton but unless he plucked up the courage to tell his family about them before he went back to America, him and Anton weren't going to have forever. _Shit, what the hell am I going to do? _He knew that he wasn't ready to come out just yet, but if he didn't then he could lose Anton._ Oh god, oh god, oh god. _What was he going to _do_? He was freaking out a little because his damn family had to be so homophobic and live in America and why did the world appear to be perfect on the outside but then it turns out to be a fanciful illusion.

He thought back to how he wanted to find the truth about London, and how that truth disappointed him. He felt like he had just discovered the truth about the world and how fate had given him the greatest thing ever: his soulfinder, but it had come with a snagging catch.

Xav felt awful. _Just tell your family, then you and Anton can be happy together, _said the reasonable part of his mind, but the part that was panicking was taking over, until that panic was all he could feel.

After the amazing night he had just had, being hit with the truth made a sob escape his throat, and Anton wasn't there to stop him from crying this time. He wasn't there to stop the harsh realities of the world break his soulfinder.


	9. Countdown

Chapter Nine

Xav didn't tell Anton about that night where he broke down, about that night when he realised that unless he plucked up the courage to come clean with his family they might lose each other. The next time they saw each other he smiled and acted like it never happened.

And so they carry on, falling more deeply in love, enjoying every moment they had together. The words 'I love you' were uttered so many times that you may think that they would begin to lose their meaning, but they didn't. Xav finally understood all the cute things his brothers engaged with their soulfinders, although he still couldn't see why they had to do all that stuff in public. Xav preferred this private relationship, but that may have been to do with his fear of telling his family about said relationship.

Xav commenced a mental countdown in his head of the time he had left with Anton without having to make a decision about telling his family. It started at three weeks. Every time Anton left him, Xav's heart clenched as his countdown came back to him. It was only when he was alone that he panicked, because every time he was alone he was reminded that he wasn't ready to tell his family yet, and that could result in something devastating to this new-found happiness he had with his soulfinder.

A week goes by too quickly.

Two weeks.

Xav smiled as he greeted Anton. They managed to avoid the subject of Xav's family the whole night. It was the last night this happened. They talked and laughed and kissed and everything was pretty much perfect. Xav forgot, as he so easily did when he was with Anton. Anton represented all the good things in his life, and any time he had with him he cherished. The hardest part was the kiss good bye.

One week and six days.

Today Anton was busy, so Xav had spent the entire night alone with his thoughts. It was not a good night. He had to call his parents but kept the conversation short as his mind kept wandering back to the fact that he needed to tell them, but also that he physically couldn't. He almost tried to tell them whilst he was talking to them, but he froze, choking on the words. They wouldn't come out no matter how hard he tried.

Now he sat alone and thought that if he couldn't tell his parents in the next one week and six days, then he would have to return to America and see them face to face, not to mention he would have to leave Anton. Would he find this easier if he was actually seeing his parents in the flesh? He contemplated this possibility but dismissed it because, really, it should be easier to do it when they are actually across an ocean rather than right next to him.

That night Xav found tears running down his face again, but not as much as before. He managed to hold his emotions in, and his sobs only lasted for a little while.

One week and five days.

"Come in. We need to talk." Anton frowned a little at Xav's sternness; he had been smiling as he had opened the door.

Xav bit his lip. After last night he had decided he should tell Anton about the worries he was having. He was his boyfriend and he deserved to know, and maybe he could help him work out what to do.

"What's the matter, Xav? You look...like the weight of the world has been thrust on your shoulders."

He sagged. "You're the best thing that has ever happened to me. You know that, right?"

"You are my world, Xav. Tell me what's the matter."

"About a week ago I realised that I only had three weeks left until my job ends. Now the counter is at one week and five days until I have to go back to America unless I can explain to my family that I want to stay in London because well... I found you. But I tried last night, and I couldn't...I couldn't-"

He started to cry and Anton immediately enveloped him in a tight embrace. "Oh Xav..."

Something wet dripped onto Xav's shoulder. He realised Anton was crying too.

They just held each other for a while, then Anton took Xav's face in his hands and kissed him, softly and sweetly. Xav closed his eyes and pressed his lips against Anton, mesmerizing the feel of them under his.

They broke apart, still wrapped up in each other. "Xav, you know what I want. I want to be with you forever, I don't want you to go back to America and leave me here," Xav let out a sob at that but held it in mostly, "I know it is so, so hard for you to come out to your family, but if you can find the courage to do it in the next twelve days, I will be with you every single step of the way."

"I know, I know. I just don't know if I can physically do it. I don't want to leave you, leave the other half of my soul halfway across the world any more than I want to chop of my own arm. But I care too much about what my family thinks. I care too much about their image of me. I don't know what to do!"

Anton's eyes looked sad, but he managed to smile weakly. "It's okay. We still have time to work this out. We still have time."

Xav stopped his tears and Anton wiped them from his face, kissing his cheeks where they had once been.

We still have time.

One week and three days.

Yesterday they had gone out to Violet Leaf and had refused to talk about the night before. But tonight was a different story. "I should do it. I should just do it," Xav muttered.

"Only do it if you want to," Anton replied. He was keeping a cool head but Xav could hear the desperation laced under it. He wanted Xav to tell his family so much, not because of anything other than he feared losing Xav more than anything else.

"No I need to, I need to. I can't lose you, I can't."

Anton smiled. "Okay."

Xav got his laptop and sat down, Anton next to him. He opened it and clicked on Skype. _You can do this. You can do this. _

He was about to click on call when his hand jerked back of its own accord. His mind went onto a panic mode, all of the bad scenarios that could possibly happen racing through his mind in a rapid fire of images that he couldn't control. _No no no no no. _He couldn't do it. He wanted to be sick. _No. _

"I can't, Anton. Oh my god, why can't I just do it. It should be the easiest thing in the world but I can't physically do it. Oh my god..." He put his head on Anton's shoulder and breathed his scent in. He smelt like vanilla and ink and it was a unique smell he'd begun to associate with Anton.

"It's okay, Xav. It's okay."

But it wasn't okay and both of them knew that. This was something Xav _needed _to do, but he couldn't and that presented them with a problem.

Anton kissed Xav sweetly on the lips and with the computer lying discarded between them, they tried to kiss their problems away.

One week.

After the disaster they had had when Xav had tried to call his family, they had a silent agreement not to talk about it. But it was on both of their minds all the time, and it sort of put a rift in the perfect relationship he had been having.

Xav's family called him, with one week and two days to go. "Oh I can't wait to have you back home," said Karla.

Zed grinned. "Yeah, it's been really quiet without you around." He had forced a smile, said good bye, closed the laptop and threw the closest thing to him, which happened to be the television remote, across the room. It hit the window with a thud, and Xav wouldn't be surprised if it left a crack in the glass. He didn't much care, either.

Now, with one week to go, he was going to have to accept that he might have to leave Anton. And that burnt through him, poisoning his thoughts. Every kiss with Anton was desperate, both of them acutely aware of the limited time they had left.

Five days.

He got an email today, with the booking details for his flight to America on Monday. He almost dropped his phone as he read them. He was going to leave at noon, leave and go back to his family but leave his soulfinder behind.

His stupid mentality was leaving him with no choice.

Four days.

"Anton I have to go back on Monday," stated Xav, no emotion visible in his voice.

Anton sighed "I know. I don't want you to at all, but you tried, I know you tried so hard to tell them. Maybe it will be easier to do it face to face I don't know..." He started to cry, salty tears rolling down his face. "Don't go, Xav."

Xav was crying too at this point. "I can't. Anton. Oh god, I love you. I love you so freaking much, you are everything to me, but I can't seem to do it despite my love for you. I have to go, I have no choice. I-"

He broke down then, sobbing uncontrollably. Anton kissed him, kissed his lips, kissed his cheeks and his tears, his neck, his jaw and back up to his lips again. "I love you, Xav. I love you."

Their tears mingled and then Anton put his head on Xav's lap and he managed to calm him down.

Xav ran his hands through Anton's hair and Anton closed his eyes and they treasured this little moment that they had left together.

Three days.

Today was Xav's last day on the job. His co-workers all said good bye to him, and his temporary boss wished him luck in the future. "We would love to have you on full time, Xav, you're a natural at this, really amazing, but to be a doctor you really do need some qualifications. Once you have them you're very welcome to back here." Xav nodded and left, thinking about what an amazing time he'd had here.

Anton was already at his apartment; he'd given him keys a couple of weeks back. "Hey there," he said.

They'd been talking every minute of every day, using their limited time to the max. "Hi." He pulled Anton close to him and kissed him, the kiss desperate, longing. He wanted it to last forever.

But of course, these things never do.

Two days.

Anton sighed. "Do you really have to go? I don't know what I'm going to do here without you. My life has literally revolved around you from the moment we met. I'll be empty without you."

A lump of guilt rose in Xav's throat. "I will try, I swear to god, I will try. And I'll come back to you no matter what. I promise. This isn't permanent."

"Are you sure?" asked Anton, sadly.

"I'm sure." He tried to sound confident, but he knew Anton was not convinced. To be honest, neither was he.

One day.

Today they sat mostly in silence, just holding each other, enjoying the moments they had left where they could still touch each other. Neither of them spoke about the fact they were leaving each other, just lay together in silence, occasionally pressing kisses to each others lips, their limbs entangled in the other persons, as many parts of their bodies touching as they could manage.

"Don't leave me."

Today was the last day.

Xav woke up early, Anton asleep next to him. Anton's eyes flickered open, he smiled at Xav and then remembered what day it was.

"I have to pack," said Xav softly.

"Of course. That's my man. Leaving the packing to the very last minute." Anton almost smiled.

"To be fair, I have had other things on my mind." The smile dropped immediately.

Xav got up and got ready, packing his stuff. "Here," Anton thrust a piece of paper into his hands. "I made this for you."

It was a drawing, of the two of them. Smiling and happy, their arms looped around each other. It was a really amazing drawing, both of their images captured perfectly. Anton's style was flawless, he was such a good artist. A lump rose in Xav's throat just looking at the image.

"It's...perfect. Thank you."

"Hopefully it will be a reminder to come back soon."

"I don't think I'll need any reminders."

They drove in silence to the airport. Anton walked him in. "I guess this is where I leave you," said Xav, his voice cracking.

Anton's eyes immediately filled with tears. "I can't believe this is really happening. Don't go Xav. You're breaking my heart."

"I have to. I have to. Oh god, I can't do this."

Xav leant down and kissed him, and Anton put his arms around him and pulled him closer, his hands on the back of Xav's neck. _Don't. Please._

They broke apart when they were calling Xav's flight to the gate. "I have to go now, but I promise I'll be back as soon as I can."

"Xav-" He couldn't get any more words out because he was crying too much, so he just kissed Xav one more time on the lips and walked away. Xav turned and walked in the other direction. He didn't look back, because if he did he could have sworn that he might collapse.

* * *

Xav took his seat. He had stopped crying, but he felt hollow, as though his life had been sucked out of him and left behind just a shell, and echo of the real Xav. He didn't know who he was sitting next to, and he didn't care. He just didn't care any more.

The take off went smoothly, and it was only when they were in the air that it hit him. He could feel the soulfinder bond stretching, feel the connection of telepathy snap, and he knew that he could no longer talk to Anton. He was travelling further away from him by the second, and that hurt, not just mentally. There was a dull ache in his heart, as though he had been stabbed, and he let out a gasp as he realised what he had just done.

"Excuse me," he muttered to the lady sitting next to him. He got onto the aisle and made his way to the bathroom, locking the door behind him.

It was only in here, alone, that he allowed himself to break down, sobs racking his body in painful jerks, tears coming until he just couldn't cry any more. _What have I done?_

He was probably in there for a while trying to recover himself, but failing. He would never recover from this.

A knock came at the door. "Erm, excuse me, but are you nearly finished?" asked a voice.

He looked like a mess, but maybe it was okay to look how he felt inside. He didn't care what anyone thought of him, so he opened the door and stepped out. "Sorry," he mumbled and walked back to his seat.

He found himself staring into nothingness, trying desperately to keep his mind blank and away from Anton for fear of breaking down like that again. A stewardess came by with a trolley full of drinks. "Sir, are you okay?" she asked, concerned. He had dried tears streaking his face and his had pulled his hands through his hair so many times it was sticking up at the oddest of angles.

"No, but its okay, you don't need to worry," he said truthfully. He didn't want to lie; maybe being around Anton so much had made him feel compelled to tell the truth more.

"Are you sure?"

He nodded and she walked off, looking back with worry. Xav leaned his head against the window and found that he was exhausted, that his breakdown in the loo had left him physically drained too.

He closed his eyes, hoping that he would not have nightmares, and when he awoke he was back home in the USA.

Except really, he'd left his home back in London.

* * *

**A/N: I'm back! This chapter is a little confusing, but I was trying out a different writing style, I hope it paid off, please let me know what you thought of it.**

**I'm sorry to have led you on thinking this was going to be a nice, cute little story, it's really not, but that's all part of my big plot, so you'll have to wait and find out what happens next (I hope you like it and understand it!)**

**REVIEW please please please :)**


	10. Healing Isn't So Easy Now

**A/N: Hiya! I'm so sorry for the wait, but I can hardly ever find the time to write anymore. Anyway, I hope you enjoy this chapter nevertheless :)**

**Your reviews and thought are welcomed and appreciated, so please do leave one. THANKS!**

* * *

Chapter Ten

"Welcome home, Xav!" shouted the multitude of voices of his family. This was not good. Xav's hands were shaking and he was breathing faster and shallower. All of them looked so happy to see him, but Xav couldn't even force a smile. His mom threw herself at him, hugging him fiercely. He hugged her back stiffly, unsure what to do. He wanted to run out of that room, in the house he'd always called home, run all the way back to London and crawl back to Anton.

"Hello," he said awkwardly, not knowing how to act around his family all of a sudden. It was like his experiences in London separated him from them in an unreachable gap. Maybe they did.

He looked around at all their smiling faces, and tried to put on his usual fake smile, but it didn't work this time. This time he couldn't pretend he was okay, because he so obviously wasn't. He had no act to fall back on, because this was much more important than the petty jealousy he had been feeling last time he was with his family.

"Come in properly, and tell us all about it!" exclaimed his mother excitedly. They all gathered in the living room. All his brothers were there, presumably to welcome him home, but that just made him feel claustrophobic rather than happy.

Xav sat down, wishing he was back in London. All he could see was Anton's face. It was at the forefront of his mind, when he blinked his face was on the back of his eyelids. He wanted to shout, to scream and cry and breakdown and get on the next flight back to London. But he physically couldn't, so he sat there sort of frozen, not knowing how to do anything any more. He was completely lost without his soulfinder. It felt as though he had been cast out into the ocean, his one rock, Anton, lost to him.

"How was London? We all missed you over here," said Phee.

"It was great. I miss it already..." It came out with more longing that he had intended, and some part of him hoped that they wouldn't notice, but another part of him hoped that they did and asked him about it. It might give his brain the start it needed to tell them.

Unfortunately no one seemed to notice. "What did you even do when you weren't at work anyway?" asked Zed.

Xav felt physically sick, like he was going to throw up. Surely talking to your own family shouldn't be so hard? But life had warped the things that should be normal and easy and comfortable into the hardest, most painful things in the world.

"Not much," he managed to force out. Now everyone was looking at him weirdly. He could almost feel their thoughts: _What's wrong with Xav? Xav who is usually so smiley and funny and articulate has all of a sudden become all sad and antisocial._

To be honest he couldn't care less about that any more. He wasn't about to put on a fake smile, not now. He wanted to scream that the reason he was so sad was because of them, because they'd inadvertently made him leave his soulfinder back in London, but he couldn't so he stared ahead instead.

"Xav, honey, are you okay?" asked Karla. He didn't want to lie. He wanted to say no, that he was most definitely not okay. But he couldn't, even though the words were on the tip of his tongue.

He tried desperately to smile, though it came out as more of a grimace, and said, "I'm fine. Just tired. Might go and have a nap."

She seemed relieved that there was no major problem, but of course there was. "Okay then."

He went into his room, and lay on his bed. It didn't feel like his bed, though. This whole house no longer felt like his home. His only home could be when he was with Anton, wherever that may be, if he was with him, he was home.

He lay on his bed, tears leaking irregularly out of his eyes. He stared up at the ceiling, trying to keep his mind blank, but he couldn't control his thoughts, which kept wandering back to his boyfriend and his heart couldn't help but ache in his chest.

He tried to go to sleep, he really did, but he couldn't. He feared that he wouldn't be able to sleep again without Anton lying next to him. He feared he would never be able to function properly without him. He needed Anton almost as much as he needed air. His soul had been torn in half, and Xav knew the only way to repair it would be to do the thing that scared him most.

He must have drifted off, because he woke with a start. Someone was shaking his shoulder. In his half asleep state, he thought he was still back in London. He awoke with a smile on his face, thinking his soulfinder was the one waking him up. "An-" he began, before realising that it was in fact Yves telling him to wake up, and that he wasn't in London at all, instead he was in the god damn USA halfway across the world from the place he needed to be.

His chest felt funny, every beat of his heart painful as he sensed his soulfinder link to Anton. It was stretched, but it was still there, and that was perhaps more painful than if it wasn't. He could _feel _Anton, he knew that he was okay, where he was, that he was still there, still a part of Xav. But that hurt too, knowing and being able to feel his soulfinder, but not being able to touch them.

"Wake up, Xav. You've been sleeping forever, man. It's morning already."

Sleep seemed to be the one thing he was able to manage, probably because he had generally dreamless sleeps, and it would make him stop thinking of Anton, let him escape from the outside world that was causing him so much pain.

"Yeah, okay, I'm getting up," he told Yves, who smiled at him and went out of the room.

He didn't want to get out of bed and face his family again. He'd barely managed the last time. But he had no other choice. He wanted to stay in bed and wallow in his sadness, but he couldn't, so he somehow managed to drag himself out of bed and have a shower and get dressed. He checked the time, and realised it was already past noon, then realised he couldn't care less what time he got up or did things. Life didn't really have a meaning now.

He wandered down the stairs, into the living room, where his family were sitting. "Sleeping Beauty awakens. It's about time," teased Zed.

Normally he would be thinking of a witty comeback to that, but he honestly could not find the energy to do that now. Everyone was looking at him weirdly, but he didn't care about that either. He felt empty, and couldn't find the energy to keep up the act that he was okay.

He sat down, and braced himself for the questions that were going to bombard him. He just hoped that they would not be on the topic of soulfinders, as he would probably freeze and not know what to do do. This time he would not be able to just shut the laptop and tell his soulfinder he loves him. This time there was no easy escape.

The questions did come, of course they did, but luckily Xav managed to answer them. They were mainly monosyllabic answers, but that was all felt like divulging.

"How was London, Xav?"

"Fine."

"What did you do?"

"Not much. Worked."

"You seem different."

"Do I?"

He could see them all exchanging worried glances, but no one asked him anything that made him freeze.

When an awkward silence passed over the Benedicts, Xav took his opportunity to leave the room. Before he left, his mom caught his eye. "Xav..." she began, but stopped. Something in his eyes must have told her that he really didn't want to talk about it.

He retreated to his room, glad to be alone. He never thought that he would prefer to be in his own company than others, but he knew now that he only wanted to be with other people if he had his soulfinder at his side.

He became a sort of recluse, not going out of his room until he had to. The days dragged on, until he could no longer bear the awful pain in his heart. He _had _to see Anton.

He didn't know whether skyping Anton was truly a good idea, as it might make his heart ache even worse, but he had to try.

He hit the call button, but as soon as Anton's face appeared on his screen he felt like collapsing. He thought nothing could be as painful as knowing the love of your life was halfway across the world, but apparently seeing said love over the computer hurt even more.

"Xav..." said Anton, and he burst into tears. Hearing that voice, the voice with the gorgeous accent that he missed so much, was gut-wrenching. The ache in his chest did nothing but intensify, and he couldn't control the sobs that racked his body.

Through his tears, he looked at Anton on the screen. He seemed to be in a similar state to Xav, the pain that both of them were feeling being shared, but multiplied at the same time.

"I can't, I can't." Xav was panicking, and with trembling fingers, he had to press the 'End Call' button. He couldn't take this any more. This pain was too much, he couldn't do this.

_I'm sorry, _he typed to Anton.

_It's okay. I can't believe just seeing you made me that emotional. Oh god, Xav..._

_ Even talking to you is bad, but I don't think I could bear it if I had no communication with you, _he replied.

_How about we email? Because it's not instant messaging we can have time to think about a reply, _replied Anton.

_Okay._

He shut the laptop, and sat back, dreading but looking forward to the first email from Anton. He never thought that he could be so emotional over something or someone, but here he was, crying like a baby over his lost soulfinder, except he wasn't really lost as the only thing standing in the way of their happiness was Xav's own weakness.

When the first email came from Anton about a week later, Xav slipped into his room and broke down over it.

_Dear Xav,_

_ I love you. You know I love you so much, and I will never stop loving you. You are the only one for me, you're my soulfinder my everything._

_ You're breaking my heart, Xav._

_ I know that it is extremely hard for you to come out, but I'm begging you, please do it. I don't want to force you into doing something you don't want to, but I have to be a bit selfish and say that I want you to do this. _

_ You have to learn to accept yourself. I know what you're thinking. Easier said than done. But once you come to grips with the facts yourself, it might help you to be more comfortable in telling other people._

_ So number one. You're gay. That is something that some people will put down, and I know you think that your family will, but you honestly can't know all of their opinions until you actually tell them._

_ Number two. You're in love. That is definitely something you shouldn't be ashamed about, because love is the best emotion in the world, and after experiencing love with you, I know I never want to go back to not having that love, even if it hurts sometimes._

_ Number three. You found your soulfinder. Even though they might say that it's impossible, we both know it's true. The bond we share is real, we can both feel it so strongly. Don't let anyone tell you that we are not soulfinders. We are._

_ Number four. You have absolutely nothing to ashamed of. You are you, and that is the best thing in the world. Don't feel pressured to change yourself, because it's you that I love._

_ Number five. I love you no matter what. You'll always have me even if the outcome is bad. I'll never leave you, Xav. Never._

_ Number six. Just know that I'm sitting here crying like a baby as I write this. It is so painful being without you, Xav. I don't think I'll be able to take it much longer. So please, for me. Come back._

_ I don't think I'll be able to write much more, but please do take into consideration what I've said. Once you've told them we can be together again. That's all I want._

_ Love you,_

_ Anton xx_

Xav started to cry at 'Dear Xav' but somehow managed to read the entire email through blurred vision.

_Oh Anton. He only wants the best for me, and for us, _Xav thought.

He would try, of course he would. But he knew deep down that it might take him a while to gain the strength to come out, and that each second he spent here he could be spending with Anton. It was a sort of motivator, but the fact that all this pain they were feeling was his fault made him even more upset.

The fate of their relationship rested on him, he was the one who had placed them in this awful situation and he was the only one who could get them out. The way to heal this ridge was so much harder than healing a physical wound though. This was messy and emotional, something Xav didn't have much experience with. Blood, cuts, aches, he could deal with. But this sort of pain, the pain of being heartsick? This was new territory.

He knew the cure, of course. The cure would be to come out, tell his family about Anton. Then he would be free to go back to London and stay with Anton, and this heartache would finally disappear. But this was the hardest cure to go about, even though it seems easy on the surface. It would force Xav to overcome this fear he had, accept himself and deal with the very real possibility that his family might not take the news very well. Especially his dad. _Oh god. _

_ Maybe I'll be able to do it some day, but right now..._Right now, he didn't think he had the mental strength to talk to his family about what he wanted for breakfast, never mind the fact that he was gay and had found his soulfinder.

_Not right now. _It seemed like the worst excuse in the world, and he felt like he was betraying Anton awfully, but it was all he had.

_I'm so sorry, Anton. I love you too._

It hurt that he knew his telepathic message wouldn't get through, not any more.


End file.
